by MotherWit | Mar 3, 2010 | Uncategorized
It is a beautiful day today! So many options! In fact, so many, I’m feeling overwhelmed. When there is too much to do and no concrete plan, I tend to get very unfocused and end up frittering away my time on things of not so much importance.
My friend Millie, who is a postpartum doula of remarkable talent, believes the 24 hour day was invented by someone who was most definitely NOT a mom.
My kids are on Spring Break, so I am not doing any pre-post natals, though I will be having a birth within the next 48 hours almost definitely…maybe even two. Even so, I feel busier than ever.
I have childbirth videos to wade through in order to show my Birth Essentials prenatal class attendees different views of labour. I have content to organize. I have SO much administrative stuff I am backed up on. I promised to take my kids to a movie. I have yoga to do, a carrot/ginger/ cashew soup to make, more Doula Training applications to look through (we’re at about 10 students now, and still 5 months before we start), I have writing deadlines, piles of laundry, plus the daily answering of calls from potential clients and communication with clients with questions and concerns which punctuate my day. The dog needs all kinds of ear treatments which take time to do. Pots and pans to scrub. All you moms out there know what I mean. Whether or not you have a “job”, the business never ends.
I long for a couple of days to do nothing. Or a week without work or cleaning to organize my files. I feel like I’ll never get on top of it. My issue is my distractibility. I am a hyper focuser by nature. If I am deeply absorbed in something, I will forgo food, people will literally have to yell at me for my attention, and find it extremely difficult to pull myself away. It is almost impossible for me to get back to that task once the concentration is broken. And of course, with four children, there are distractions at least every 2 minutes, plus the phone calls. Ah, well, one step at a time. What I love about being at births is that all these worries fade and all I have to do is be blessedly in the moment.
Off to find some focus. Have a wonderful day!
Lesley
www.MotherWit.ca
by MotherWit | Mar 1, 2010 | Uncategorized
My younger kids have Spring Break this week. It is SO nice to take a break from the daily grind of getting up early, before school/work chaos, the day running around to pre/post natals, home, dinner, then administrative work and family time. I enjoy sitting around in my jammies for the morning and being leisurely, eating decadent things for breakfast and enjoying a slow cup of coffee.
I am happily expecting a couple of births this week. I haven’t had a birth in 2 weeks, and this is a really long time for me to go without attending one. I’m excited to reconnect to that energy again. After my last child was born, I took a few months off from going to births, and I would find myself calling my colleagues and students every couple of days to hear new birth stories. It just never gets old.
I think about what I’ll do someday when or if I retire from going to births. Probably teach and write about birth full time, most likely. And travel the world. I had my first children quite young, and continued having a baby here and there until I was 35, so a lot of travel has not been so feasible. Until then, though, there are still so so many things to do. I would love to do a shamanic herbalist apprenticeship with Susun Weed. I want to study osteopathy. I want to do more in depth midwifery studies. It’s not that I want to practice as a midwife. Not at all. But I appreciate learning as much about something I’m dedicated to as possible.
I may be going away a bit this September and get the opportunity to learn some more technical midwifery skills, though that’s not the intent of the trip. I’ll keep you posted on this as the plans shape up.
What I have really enjoyed about knowing about the midwifery approach to maternity care, being a consumer and a witness, is talking about it with the friendly doctors I work with. When they’re open to it, they’re quite fascinated. On occasion I will be with a nervous resident and a woman will be insisting on staying in her hand-and-knees position to birth her babe, and I’ve been able to talk the resident through it to some extent if they’ve open to hearing it, giving them little tips on how I’ve seem midwives do it. or at least reassure them the baby can certainly come out this way, as I’ve seen it many many times and know it’s possible, having birthed in that position myself, as a matter of fact. It’s a very interesting part of my job, to evoke interest in what those crazy midwives are doing in out-of-hospital births. I so wish the system was such that midwives could do some skill enrichment workshops with doctors so all the docs could catch babies in different positions with confidence. This would create so much more opportunity for women to have better births in the hospital. But alas, I can’t see this happening for a long time, given the general feelings of animosity between doctors and midwives here.
As a doula, I seem to be in a unique position. Most of the doctors I work with trust me and know I’m not out to practice midwifery “on” their patients. My clients are all very aware of who their primary caregivers are, and know I don’t take responsibility for monitoring their babies or checking their cervices at home. So the doctors know I know who calls the clinical shots. This clear boundary seems to be one of the keys to that trust. I don’t remove monitors without permission or fiddle with IVs or try to catch a baby before the doctor gets there, as I know some doulas have the reputation of doing. They also see the results of their patients having doula care, and most are now definite supporters of doula attended births. In fact, my doula colleague Rivka and I have been approached on occasion by family doctors and nurses to potentially do some doula training for medical/nursing students. We did a workshop once with family doctors on non-pharmaceutical pain relief in labour. Now THAT was exciting, as we generated some inspiration. Though I’m not a midwife, I am a natural birth ambassador within a high-tech system, witnessing births from every point in the spectrum, and it is a powerful position to be in, as I can do some serious seed planting in the hopes of creating a little more gentleness within this system.
In any case, I feel a more in-depth blog steeping on that subject, but I’ll leave it for now, and go enjoy my kids, who seem to be in a pile, wrestling on the floor with the dog and their dad. I’m jumping in!
by MotherWit | Feb 26, 2010 | Uncategorized
I tried to take a nap today. My self-nurturing side said, “you are a doula. You have births coming up. You are exhausted and have not been sleeping well. You have the opportunity to lay down your head and rest for a couple of hours. DO IT.” So I listened dutifully, empowered woman that I am, only to have a bunch of little voices come to the surface. “The house is a mess…what do you think you’re doing?” “Your husband works 9 to 5 and never gets to nap during the day. A little self-indulgent, aren’t you?” “You do know you have to interview a couple of students from New Brunswick and need to make those calls, right?” “What are you going to feed the kids while you’re gone gallvanting at the Pointe Claire Boutique Bummis Soiree Mamas Sexy tonight?” And so on. Not only that, but my CrackBerry rings all the time whenever I try to rest. I could turn it off, but what if someone goes into labour and I end up not getting to them in time? My third birth was under an hour. If my midwife had turned off her phone for an hour, she would have missed my birth. Well, actually, she did miss my birth, but through no fault of her own. She got there in time for the placenta. I just don’t turn off my phone. Which means I end up being awoken by non urgent rings too. Basically, I lay down for an hour and ended up just wasting time, neither sleeping, nor being productive in any manner. Rats.
At the Soiree Sexy last night, I absolutely fell in love with a product they were selling. Do you ever get it where you see something and you just WANT it, know you just shouldn’t, but your brain is still whirring with ways to get around it so you CAN have it? Well, that’s what happened. There was this wrap shirt…oh, beautiful wrap shirt…go to lillap.com and check out the delicious origami wraps. They are made of the softest, lightest, floatiest organic cotton, in stunning colours. It is the perfect shirt. You can wear it in about 17,000 different ways. It accentuates the bulges you want to show off and forgives the ones you don’t. You can scrunch it up and throw it in a ball. It’s never the same shirt twice. No, they are not paying me to advertise. No, I am not promoting anyone. I just saw it and fell in love. The MotherWit Doulas were crowded around these wraps, stroking them as if they were newborn babies. The issue is that these wraps are pricey. Not that they aren’t worth every penny…after all, they are excellent quality and so versatile, it’s like 5 shirts in one….but yikes, nearly 100 bucks for a shirt (even with the sale discount that’s way outside the average person’s clothing budget). I have NEVER spent that much on one article of clothing, barring outerwear and the Doc Martens I lived in throughout my 20’s (winter, summer, pants, dresses and shorts…didn’t matter, always wore Docs…I even still have some blue velvet ones stacked away somewhere around here).
A few former clients were at Bummis last night, and loved these shirts too. I could see tremendous mental struggles going on, internal calculations being made, justifications as to what to tell the husbands being formulated, etc. And, one by one, many of the doulas/clients caved, and bought themselves one of those wonderful shirts. One of them even bought two (one as a gift). I felt proud of them, because they work so hard, are great mamas, and are entitled to a treat like this once in awhile to feel comfortable and beautiful. Everyone said, “Lesley, GET one! You should have one. You deserve one!” And while that is true, those stubborn little voices in my head arose, whispering righteously, “Your 15 year old son’s pants are getting too small again and he will need clothes next week.” “Your daughter needs you to pay her for those books she purchased for school.” “Bills, bills, bills.” It’s not like our family would be devastated by $100 loss. It would be absorbed reasonably easily. I could have just bought the damn thing and truly, it wouldn’t have been a huge deal. But the guilt! How can I justify spending that much money on an article of clothing when everyone else needs stuff? Who am I to plunk down that kind of money when my birth bag needs re-stocking? Why is it okay for everyone else but not for me?
I don’t seem to have the ability to decide when making an impulse purchase like that is self-indulgent and fiscally irresponsible, or nurturing, health-giving, and the right thing to do for myself. Truly, I always lean towards the former, even though I tend towards believing the latter for everyone else, as I was truly happy for those women who bought themselves an Origami wrap last night. I’m the type of person who usually starts wearing her husband’s socks when her own wear out. My shoes will have to be falling apart before I consider another pair. Dingy bras don’t bother me. I rage against maternal guilt, yet is has me trapped in its ugly little talons just as much as the next mama, and maybe even more. Do I think if I let this guilt go suddenly I’d be a diva and hang out in spas all day long and buy expensive clothing every opportunity I got? I wonder what would happen if I just lay that guilt down once in awhile.
It’s not that I don’t nurture myself, I just tend to do it through education . I’ll buy books, go to conferences, take courses, etc. These are my “indulgences”. It drives my family nuts when they ask me what I really want for my birthday and I give them a list of books. I will then ask for essential oils if their knickers are too much in a twist over the book list, but really , these oils are for my work, not so much for me. Enriching myself with knowlege and doula tools are things I can handle. But spend money on a great outfit? Never. I have never had a manicure or pedicure in my life, even though my sweet sweet daughter bought me a gift certificate for one, and I was too lame to take the time and use her precious gift, which hurt her feelings a lot because she hates that I don’t do these things. I am an experienced perinatal massage therapist and have NEVER had a perinatal massage myself. Do any other of you mamas out there have as hard a time doing these things as I do? I’m getting tired of this burden of guilt. How about you? Drop me a post and let me know how your maternal guilt affects your own life.
by MotherWit | Feb 24, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hey, wanna be a Bad Ass Doula (BAD)? You can either work forever more as one, or you can become a BAD on your journey towards becoming a Bad Ass Midwife (BAM).
The MotherWit Birth Doula Training is reaching capacity. We are over half full for registration after only a few weeks of announcing it, and there are still a whole five months left before it goes down. If you’re thinking of going for it, I strongly encourage you to get your application process started. There are ladies coming who have already done trainings from other organizations (are left wanting a little more, I’m guessing), who have babies, attached toddlers, are from out of town, and are bringing their partners. We can accommodate you for really cheap in a mansion with a pool. ($200 for the six days for you, $100 for each additional person over 5). ’nuff said.
I also want to remind all you Montrealers that on Thursday and Friday night, Bummis Boutique is hosting a lovely soiree celebrating the sexiness of pregnant and breastfeeding mamas.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=308813696605&ref=share
Me and my ravishing squad of MotherWit Doulas (Birth and Postpartum) will be there to honour your gorgeous hot mama roundness and/or milkiness. Come check out the lingerie from Hot Milk and some new skin products from Earth Mama Angel Baby to show off your radiance. The days of “confinement” and hiding under tent like sailor motif-ed maternity wear are over.
Now, if someone could just make a pair of maternity jeans that were suitable for actual pregnant women… Seriously, how many of you are right now hiking up that waistband that keeps moving ever downwards? Aren’t you tired of always feeling like you’re about to lose your pants? All you maternity wear designers out there, please get on this. Pregnant women everywhere challenge you.
Lesley
by MotherWit | Feb 23, 2010 | Uncategorized
There is nothing I love better in my practice than repeat clients. Whether a woman had a challenging or easy birth, it is such an honour to be asked to share in her subsequent birth experiences. There is something I find so delicious about being considered “the family doula”. I love it when it extends to the circles within which the clients live and work as well, so this small city of mine begins to feel like extended family with all the interconnectedness.
I am the doula for students and professors in certain departments in some of the universities in Montreal, to a circle of dancers, to a group of family physicians, to the postpartum nurses at one of the hospitals I work at, to moms of established playgroups, etc. It is amazing to see how the work grows, and to be asked to keep coming back. While I get many many requests for doula work, some of which I personally simply cannot take on due to volume or other engagements, I ALWAYS try to take on my repeat clients if they ask me, even if I am quite booked for a particular month. I have changed vacation dates, made exceptions, reduced prices, whatever it takes to do my best to meet those needs. I feel that if I am given the exceptional honour of being asked to attend the birth of a former client, I’m going to accept whenever I can. It is so sweet to be proudly shown and given the previous child to snuggle while the mother talks about this present pregnancy as we drink tea, and to be able to discuss little things about her last labour. There is something, I think, profoundly comforting about having someone at your birth who knows you…who knows some of your unique birthing behaviours.
The story of the first birth I went to which I told you about a couple of blogs ago, is a perfect example. I attended my friend’s next birth (her third) several years later. Knowing her beautiful, interesting behaviours helped me get the midwife in the room on time. Had I not known, I would have ended up doing a repeat catch. For this labour, she chose a midwife at a birthing centre. She had chosen to treat for Group B Strep, so as soon as she felt some labour-ish sensations, she went there to ensure she had antibiotic coverage 4 hours before birth. I went over there, and she was barely contracting at all. We had fun, walking around the beautiful old building. I took pictures of her big belly, and of her and the baby’s dad. The contractions she had didn’t make her crack a sweat.
After a little while, she started having a few more noticeable contractions, which made her lean over and breathe a little harder. Nothing to write home about. Then she leaned against her husband and had a really big one. Then she started walking around in a way that struck me with great clarity; this cute duck-ish walk she did, while emitting a few little whimpers, was what had happened just before she started crowning at her last birth. I RAN down the hall to where the midwives were hanging out. I said, “The baby’s coming!” They looked at me like I was crazy, because they hadn’t seen or heard any convincing, serious active labour when they had been in the room about 25 minutes before….otherwise, given her history, they would have stuck around. As far as they knew, she was just beginning to have some noticeable contractions. But midwives tend to believe wild allegations of precipitous labour, regardless of what the cervix has been doing a few minutes before, so one of them came tearing back up the hall with me. My friend looked at her, yelled “It’s coming!”, did her “yank-down-her-panties-and-throw-herself-onto-her-back-with-a baby-head-between-her-legs” thing, this time onto the bed, and proceeded to birth her 10 pound baby in a few easy pushes. I don’t think the midwife even had time for gloves. But thank God she was there, because she did her midwife magic and that baby was born over an intact perineum (not so when I clumsily caught her previous baby years before).
It is so beautiful to watch a woman you have helped before undertake this journey again, trusting you to help her manage her fears and life situations. I have a lady who calls me every couple years from a religious Jewish community, saying, “Hi, I need you again!”. She called me recently again…this will be the fifth time. She really depends on my presence. She says I calm her, and buffer the energies of the hospital. I don’t take that responsibility lightly. It’s not a casual duty. This is a woman’s birth experience, after all…her own way of expressing this unique, feminine, biological function and all the emotions and circumstances surrounding it. To be invited into that inner sanctum requires commitment that is made months in advance. I would be very sad if I ever missed one of her births. She has had so many challenging circumstances in her life, and I am the anchor who holds all her information and wishes so she doesn’t have to explain herself to every person who walks into the room while trying to go inside herself and labour. I don’t need to do anything for this woman, who is a very powerful and experienced birth giver, but make sure she has a calm space within which to do her thing, and hand her the homeopathic remedy she likes to take throughout labour (amazing stuff…it’s from Israel and written in Hebrew, but man, it makes birth speedy and efficient for the ladies I’ve seen use it). I need to call the doctor in when she starts smacking the bed with her hand, because I know this is how she expresses her need to push NOW. She and her husband are very fair skinned, and the babies they make are very very pale when born, but it’s never been a problem at all, so I pass that info on to Pediatrics when they express more than just a little concern. It’s very simple work, but so enriching!
My hope for all you new doulas is to eventually know the joys of a practice that is largely made up of repeat clients. It is very nurturing…for them, and for you.Lesleywww.motherwit.ca
