by MotherWit | Jan 27, 2010 | Uncategorized
Well, look at that! Not much to say today. I am feeling a little tired. I have the house to myself, no children here, no postpartum or prenatal meetings to attend until tomorrow. I think I will leave the mounds of dishes and unfolded laundry, and take a nap. I’m pretty darn sure I will not have a birth today…just a feeling…so perhaps I will sleep for a few minutes without my phone ringing.
I am very much looking forward to going out this evening for Ethiopian food with a dear friend. It has been awhile I’ve gone out to do something social and just for fun. It is never easy to find balance in one’s life when you know at any moment you may have to adjust your entire day. I personally like this kind of life…I will have plenty of time for routine and stability when I’m too old to doula anymore (like 109 or so). But getting in time for all one needs to maintain a balanced life, like consistently healthy meals, exercise, decent sleep, family/husband time, housework, friend time, and soul work? I’ll let you know when I have that figured out. I told an OB at the hospital yesterday my eldest child was almost 18, and she was surprised, asking me how I stayed so young looking, and what sort of facial products did I use? “Vernix,” I said. And as for lifestyle, many late nights and a lotta coffee are a major part of my youth maintaining regime.
I have spent the morning working on the FAQ parts of my website, which is coming together more concretely, finally…can’t WAIT for it to be done. The masculine counterpart to MotherWit is busy at work getting the infrastructure together while I do the content writing and the woman’s work of birth attending. I am very grateful for all the help and advice. I do notice that a man’s idea of what a website for mostly women should be like is a little different from mine 🙂 I am going to stick to my guns about certain things, and if it doesn’t work, will be gracious about the good natured “I TOLD you so!” Thank God for “computer-y” people!
Off for a snooze. Happy Wednesday!
by MotherWit | Jan 26, 2010 | Uncategorized
I awoke this morning with a message on my Blackberry that my client had been up all night with gentle contractions, nothing strong and nothing worth waking her hubby up for, and that they had tapered off. I called her a little later in the morning to check in, and there was no answer. She had gone to sleep for a couple of hours. I was supposed to go out to lunch with a friend, and a good thing she cancelled. Just as I hung up with her, my client called saying, “well, things are picking up a little, as my water has just broken, but nothing I have to do more than breathe a little through. I called my husband to come home.” I figured I’d call them in another hour to check in, but 30 minutes later I came out of the bathroom after a 10 minute shower, and there was a message on my phone from her husband, “We are going to the hospital, things have REALLY picked up!” I called right back while dancing around looking for clothes, and the husband said, “She wants to push!” “Shit!” I said. I listened for the gutteral sound of real pushing over the phone, but heard more of a howl of transition. It was her first baby, and they were a 10 minute drive away from the hospital. “GO! I will meet you there.”
I called a cab and jumped in. I called them again, and the dad sounded focused. I asked him to put the lady on the phone between contractions if he could, because she was wailing, “I’m so scared!” She took the phone and I said, “Hon, all this craziness is just your baby coming soon. You are going to make it to the hospital. Everything is going just great. You’re going to be SO happy really soon.” The she threw the phone in the corner of the car as another contraction hit, and I was cut off. I figured I’d leave them alone to focus on getting there, sending lots of good vibes their way. It’s not that I have objections to birthing in a car. If it were me, I wouldn’t worry too much about it (and my husband more about the detailing afterwards than the actual birth happening unassisted). But people who are planning hospital births generally deeply appreciate making it to the hospital.
I got to the hospital and dashed through the hall, the nurses, who all know me, chanting. “go go go, she’s pushing!” And there she was, with a sweet baby’s head crowning. So beautiful! I did my best to get her really relaxed, told the dad what a rock star he was for holding it all together, and their beautiful son was soon born. He stayed skin to skin on his mom without any disturbance at all, and latched himself on to her breast soon after. “Well,” I said, I would have been really happy to have hung out with you for 24 hours if I had to, but for your sake, I’m glad you’re all done.” Another happy new family!
I went out into the hall and saw a sweet OB I know and two OB residents I like, both new moms. They all smiled, said “hi”, and asked if I was with the fast birthing lady in room 8. The OB said something so nice! “She probably gave birth so great from the therapeutic affect of having so much good preparation and support. I tell all my patients who want to know how to give themselves the best chance of having a great birth to hire continuous labour support…get a doula…but NO birth plans!” The other ladies and I all heartily agreed. They were actually surprised that I was not a great fan of birth plans, because the popular belief is that doulas are helpers of birth planning. I told them I wasn’t into the concept of them much, but was curious about why they were clearly against the whole idea.
What was interesting about this conversation, was that these ladies are medical doctors, meaning scientific, studies-loving, efficient, logical people, at least to an extent. And their reason for not birth planning? That committing a birth plan to paper JINXED the birth!!!! I thought this was SO funny, and actually very endearing. I love hearing doctor/nurse talk around the ice machine:). What they explained was that their experience showed them that many of those who came in with birth plans actually had more challenges with birth. It’s not anything they’ve studied, and it could just be they are connecting their experiences with challenging births to their memories of the fact that some happened to have a birth plans with them at the time of said challenging births (not noticing if a great birth outcome had a birth plan connected with it too). I found it very very interesting how vehemently they all claimed they saw a marked (though purely anecdotal) correlation between birth plans and hard births. When I think of the 6 births I’ve attended this month, except for one planned C-section for breech twins, they have ALL been fast, pain med free, everyone seemed quite satisfied with their hospital experience, and not a birth plan among ’em. What the clients wanted communicated as truly important to them, they were able to do themselves in about 3 seconds.
So, in a nutshell, here’s the the medical advice I heard today: Don’t make birth plans, cuz you may be invoking the evil eye if you put your visions and hopes of your birth down on paper… LOL! My reasons are just to avoid annoying the staff, and not getting too caught up in expectations…never thought of the “angering the gods” reason! You learn something new every day.
Like I’ve said before, if someone is really gung ho about writing a plan, heck, I’ll help them do it. It’s not for me to judge. I just don’t think, except for a few very important preferences in point form if they are really concerned about clashing with the staff, it’s necessary. But hey, it’s your birth, not mine. I advocate choice.
by MotherWit | Jan 25, 2010 | Uncategorized
I had a lovely weekend, full of births. Lovely for my clients and me, but it’s important to remember that when a doula tends to her work, there is often a family missing her. My husband Mitchell works hard all week, so in the evenings and on weekends when I am at births, instead of getting to relax and doing things as a family of 6, he’s holding down the fort. Usually on weekends we share the chores of catching up on housework, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. So when I’m away at births, he takes on most of that, as well as tending to the emotional needs of kids who may have feelings about Mom being away. He’s the one who brings them to all their activities. This may make you other doulas jealous, but he often even gets up with me in he middle of the night and drives me to where the birth is. Yes, he gets tired sometimes being a doula’s partner, as many do. So it still amazes me after all these years that his support for my work continues to grow stronger. Not that he doesn’t sigh in disappointment sometimes when he realizes a plan he had to play some cards with his friends again gets waylaid by my unpredictable work…but he understands that it is somehow an important thing I have to do. He supports that it is my path, that it’s simply what I DO. What warms my heart is that he speaks of me with pride. You can see why I stick with him.
I was so happy Saturday night when we attended Carl Bigheart’s talk here in Montreal! A woman I know, a friend of a friend whose birth we had the opportunity to support together, who had never met my husband before said, “It is so great to meet you! So you are the person who makes Lesley’s work possible! Thank you so much for all you do!” I was very moved by that, and I encourage all of you who know doula’s partners to make sure they feel special once in awhile. It is a big job to be the partner of a birth attendant of any kind, and truly, the quality of our work is commensurate to the amount of support we have. I have 4 children, a home, and a dog, and I can leave at any time for a birth, be gone for 2 days, and not have to worry about a thing. How many can claim to do that? I have 2 marvellous teenage kids who help out too, minding the younger ones when my husband and I go out together on occasion, even if it’s just a 10 minute drive to Tim Horton’s for a coffee.
In order to rebalance my family life after births, I try to make sure my kids have some special attention. I had no qualms today, when we got up and I saw the younger ones looking a little deflated at starting the week without their “mom” quotient, telling them we would all just stay home together. I don’t worry about things like them missing a day of school now and again for their emotional health, or occasionally cancelling my day of appointments if they’re not pressing. I also keep strict boundaries around my pre/post natal work. Even though it may not be very convenient for my clients, I simply don’t meet with them outside of the hours my kids are at school unless it’s really urgent. No evenings, no weekends, unless they are in labour. In the end, it makes me a more present doula, as I’m not stretched so thinly and chock full of maternal guilt. It’s hard enough for the poor kids to wake up in the morning on occasion and I’m not there where they expect me.
This infrastructure of support has not been easy to come by. A new doula will usually not have the luxury of setting her own pre/post natal hours as she tries to become established in her community, or have a strong sisterhood of other birth attendants to connect with when they need help and advice. Many don’t have teenage kids to help with the younger kids when their partners need to go somewhere while Mom is at a birth. And understandably, many partners are just downright resentful of how demanding their lady’s doula work is of their own time. Lots of doula careers burn and fizzle because the family simply doesn’t have the resources to handle it. I have worked long and hard in order to have a secure system within which to be able to attend as many births as I do (67 babies in 2009, and 7 so far for 2010). I am so thankful for the opportunity to witness so many babies enter this world within the loving environment I try to create out of a cold one, and it simply would not be possible without the support of my family. If I attend a birth that challenges everything I have physically, emotionally, and spiritually, while talking to my sister doulas is essential to regrouping, it is really my husband who tends to my sometimes broken heart. My husband is the best doula in the world.
All right! Enough gabbing. Off to fold a week’s worth of laundry while I watch Nightmare Before Christmas with my kids.
by MotherWit | Jan 23, 2010 | Uncategorized
Today is a good day. I am excited to be going to see a talk with Carl Bigheart this evening. He is just a wonderful man who works to create bridges between ancient wisdom traditions and healing of the relationship between human kind and all other beings. My dear friend Nat is organizing this talk, and I want to be there tonight not just to hear Carl speak, but to support her too.
I was nervous when I woke up this morning and discovered I was still in my bed. I had been expecting my lady with broken waters to give birth, as those waters had been broken for quite a long time. She was in contact with her doctor, so everything was fine.
She decided to go into the hospital to get checked out, and I was just so scared I would miss the talk. I had planned to send a backup for a few hours if someone went into labour and needed me during the talk, but it’s another thing to leave a mother in active labour…something only an emergency would motivate me to do.
I arrived at the hospital and my client was in tears because she really hadn’t wanted any sort of intervention, and here they were, discussing induction. She had already tried homeopathics, herbs, acupressure, and castor oil, to no avail. The doctor was way out of her comfort zone, and was pretty insistent, in a nice way, about getting the labour moving. She checked my client and found her cervix really nice and stretchy and dilated, and assured her that a drop of synto would get her going, and that once her body took over, she could stop the medication, and let labour progress on its own. My client begged just to be able to walk up and down the stairs for 20 minutes. I didn’t think that would do much at this point, but then the doctor found there to be still a pocket of amniotic fluid, which she broke. We thought that maybe with that plus a walk, things would start. Remember,trust the woman.
We went to the stairwell, and I encouraged her to walk up sideways, 2 at a time, as I thought her baby was curled up pretty far on her right side. She began gentle contractions. Every time she had one, she squatted down. As it got stronger, she leaned over, looking out a window, and circled her hips. People passed us on the stairs and weren’t sure what was going on, but they didn’t bug us. A few contractions later she was really working up a sweat, making some noise, and making big, beautiful hip circles. Instead of chatting between, we were quiet, honouring her trip to labour land. And one contraction or two later, she made the noises that made us realize it was time go get back into her room NOW. As we ran by her doctor, we grabbed her and told her the baby was coming. She was surprised, but very very happy.
A nice big boy, nearly 9 pounds, was born less than 20 minutes later, just an hour after the doctor had broken the last bit of bulging membranes.
What is even happier about this story, is that the mothers’ first birth had been nearly 2 days long with forceps. This baby practically fell out, nearly a pound bigger than his elder sibling. We are all over the moon for her.
So,even though I’ve just been contacted by an other client telling me she is having some contractions, I’m pretty sure we’re in the clear for the talk tonight! I can’t wait!
Happy Saturday, everyone!
Lesley
by MotherWit | Jan 23, 2010 | Uncategorized
One of the sad things about today’s care of the pregnant/birthing/postpartum woman is a lack of respect for her intuition. Many women are considered hysterical or completely blown off for discussing their intuitions. What exactly is intuition? It’s about looking inside and gathering information about things and situations not by reason, but by feeling. It is not about being psychic. When we refer to intuition, people sometimes think we’re refering to looking into the future, which, unless you truly are gifted with psychic ability, is not generally possible. I think intuition just means gathering information about things which are conveyed in ways more subtle than can be perceived by the five senses. I don’t believe, as doulas, we can predict how birth will ultimately play out in the future (try to pin Birth down, and she changes on you…she hates us puny humans trying to “know” her too well), but you can, in the here and now, be able to intuit something about a woman, perhaps an emotional or energetic frequency, that can give you a good or not so good feeling about how that may play out in the field of childbirth. And you can be wrong, which is okay, because nothing is fool proof.. not ultrasounds, amnios, or blood tests (oh my!).
As a doula you would never say, “I have a great feeling everything is going to be fine, so don’t bother checking that unusual symptom out with your midwife or doctor.” Most women wouldn’t eschew some form of prenatal care if given the choice, based upon intuition alone of their and their baby’s wellness. Some do, and more power to them, but most don’t. But just because we usually don’t use only intuition to gather information, doesn’t mean it should be discounted as an extremely valuable tool to determine things about a woman’s experience.
I trust women. A woman in her childbearing year tends to have incredible insight into the workings of her body and her baby. She should be given plenty of space to talk about these feelings freely without fear of being judged as “silly”. When you’re growing a baby inside you, you are linked to another being more intimately than any other way. It is no surprise that a woman can have very strong feelings about what’s going on with her baby. I kinda believe that a baby transmits his feelings to his mom in some cases. I don’t think he says, “Mother, I am planning on becoming photographer someday,” or “Ma, I will be born with a large birthmark.” In fact, many women before the days of ultrasound were unaware they were carrying twins until the day of their birth. I just mean I have seen wild flashes of insight which, in spite of medical disbelief or logic, have been proven right. There are just times a woman tells you something when you know in your own gut what she is saying is incontrovertible…you know it by a strong feeling of resonance with the truth of her words.
Here are a few examples. A really crazy amazing wild woman friend of mine named Michelle, was my doula for the birth of my first child. She had given birth to her own first three children at home in the mountains of Tennessee, one of them unassisted, I believe. When she became pregnant with her fourth child, she had been doing some doula work in hospitals. She told me she thought she’d birth this baby in a hospital. I asked her, “What do you mean? You’ve had great home births. What makes you want to go to the hospital?” She told me she wasn’t sure, just that she had felt really comfortable in a certain hospital she had worked at, and felt drawn to give birth there. She arrived at the hospital in labour, and was very quickly rushed to the OR for an emergency C-section because of severe fetal distress due a real and serious umbilical cord problem. Her son was fine. And her next three children were born at home in the Dominican Republic.
I had a client once who was SO enthusiastic about water birth. She booked herself a space at the Birthing Centre where her midwife said there was a room for water birth. She even wrote an assignment for a training she was doing on the joys and benefits of water birth. So in labour, there she was in the water. 2 interesting things happened, that were probably unrelated (but who knows?), but I’ll mention them both. One thing, was that about five minutes before the baby was actually born, she got this look on her face of seriousness. She looked at me and announced, not with a fearful tone, but just in a very matter of fact way that she didn’t want to be in the water any more. She is a joyful lady with a lovely sense of humour, so this sudden change to serious was unexpected. I was surprised, but just got her out of the tub as she wished. She hopped on the bed and birthed her lovely child. That baby had the teeniest tiniest little cord you ever did see! There was no way we could even put the baby on her because the cord was so short. The midwife said, “Wow, that’s interesting. Had you given birth in the tub, we wouldn’t have been able to lift the baby out of the water.” Not that this would have been dangerous necessarily, just that it might have been pretty awkward to get the mom and babe out of the tub.
The other thing was that in the tub while the baby was making its descent into her birth canal, she was sitting in a really strange way. I can’t even describe it, except that it looked like she was trying to open up one side of her pelvis as widely as possible. It looked super uncomfortable, but that’s how she wanted to be. I did some bodywork with her a few days after the birth of her baby and found one leg to be quite shorter than the other and her pelvis very contracted on the side she had been intuitively opening up in labour. She told me she had been in a bad car accident during her childhood, and had sustained injury to her pelvis, but it was not something she had consciously thought of during labour. But her body “knew”, and so most likely did her baby, sending her messages the mysterious ways babies do.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been with women, lots of them first time moms, who are told they are 2cm dilated or so upon arrival at the hospital, but contracting as if in active, not early labour. Often, nurses want to send these women home, because the belief is that if you’re only 2cm dilated with your first baby, you’ve still got many hours to go. But many of those moms announced there was no way they were going to go home because they were sure, because of how they felt, they were moving right along in labour. And it’s crazy how often they are argued with, being told they’re just not managing their pain very well, and that it’s only going to get harder, and they might even “need” an epidural later if they’re feeling labour that strongly at “only” 2cm. But I tell them, “you’re contracting great! Your cervix is going to catch right on up to those contractions.” And so it usually does, proving that for them, active labour can certainly be going on at 2cm, no matter who believes them.
I remember having a client who was having SERIOUS contractions. But they were far apart, like about 8 minutes or so. They were intense enough to make her want to get to the hospital. I arrived, and she was sitting on a bed on a monitor with a barf bowl under her chin, and that really stoned look women get between contractions when labour is powering on. I watched her contract, and though she wasn’t making much noise, you could tell it was a really good one. The nurse looked at the monitor and laughed at her, telling her she shouldn’t have come to the hospital yet, that contractions HAD to be closer together for them to even consider taking her in. I asked the nurse to check her, just in case, because I had a feeling this mom was in really active labour. The nurse didn’t want to, but did. The mom was 7-8 cm, and gave birth quite soon afterwards. I don’t put much stock in numbers of centimetres of dilation, but I’m glad for the mom’s sake her cervix gave the nurse the numerical “evidence” she wanted to admit my client.
I just don’t understand why a woman who says, “I think the baby is coming sooner than you think” is met with arguments against the claim of her own experience. My doula colleague who works primarily with a community that has lots of babies sometimes ends up actually catching the baby in the hospital because the medical staff don’t always believe the woman will deliver as quickly as she says she will. If a mother of 8 says, “The baby is coming!”, and her cervix gets checked (grrrr) and you hear it’s 4cm, believe the mother, not the cm. Put on gloves if the doctors leave the room in disbelief. TRUST THE WOMAN!
A few weeks ago, a lady called me in the morning saying, “I sort of feel something happening, but I’m not sure…just lots of pressure..no pain or anything. I wanted to give you a heads up.” I hung up thinking, because it was her second baby, that things might rev up quickly. Just the sound of her voice sort of gave me a feeling. Sure enough, on my way to a prenatal appointment, the woman called me up crying fearfully that contractions were coming really close together, were intense, she was alone in the house and couldn’t reach her husband at work. I booted over there in about 10 minutes to find her on hands and knees making active labour noises. I managed to get in contact with her husband and mother-in-law to make arrangements with her other child, and then I wondered what the best option would be. I was wondering how long we had before this baby was going to make her arrival. Things looked and sounded convincing, and I knew if her waters broke, I’d be catching a baby. Ambulance? Cab? So I figured I’d ask the mom. In a small space between huge contractions, I put my hand on her back and said her name, and asked her to look at me (I normally wouldn’t interrupt a woman’s concentration like this, but I felt she would be able to give me information I needed). I asked her straight up, making deep eye contact. “Are we going to make it to the hospital?” She stopped breathing heavily, checked in for a second, and said, “yes, we are.” So I called the cab. The baby was born about 45 minutes after we arrived, 5 minutes after her waters broke.
I have many many more stories like this to illustrate a woman’s deep connection to her body and her baby, but you’re all gonna have to wait for my book to come out next year 🙂
I’m really digging this exercise in blogging, and could go on for hours, wind bag that I am. But I’m going to be making my posts a little shorter in the future in order to make more progress on my book. It’s going to be called: Choosing Wisely: A Doula’s Guide to a Happy Birth Day.
So, just to reiterate before I retreat back into real life (hyper kids who have eaten too much Friday night sugar, a lady whose waters have been broken all day, and many new client requests to process):
Intuition is often undervalued in our medical system. We need to listen carefully to women, and pay attention to our own feelings as well. BUT, it doesn’t mean intuition is all we should use. It is one tool out of many. A primary caregiver having excellent clinical skills and experience AS WELL as good instincts and a gentle, compassionate, honouring bedside manner is ideal.
Night, all!
by MotherWit | Jan 21, 2010 | Uncategorized
Technically, it takes very little to have a decent birth experience. Most women can squat in a forest and have a baby without any instructions, never mind interventions. Of course, things happen beyond our control, but MOST of the time, the process works fine. I have heard midwife Karen Strange say, “Birth is meant to work when noone else is there,” and I believe that is true for the vast majority of birthings.
As a doula, I know for a fact that many outcomes that have been less than favourable have actually been caused by too much meddling with the process…too much doubt, too many attempts to control all contingencies. And I have also sadly seen not wonderful outcomes when there have been no interventions and there should have been. So, knowing as a reality there truly isn’t much control over what direction a birth decides to take, there are ways you can increase your chance of a nice, happy birth. No guarantees, but a fighting chance doesn’t hurt.
I’ve outlined a few steps on how to nourish yourself during pregnancy and beyond. Nourishment is a concept that goes far beyond just what you put in your mouth. It refers to anything you “digest” physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
1) Eat well.
Eating well is a very important aspect of prenatal care. It cannot be emphasized enough that good nutrition is essential to creating the best chances for the best outcome. I have seen women heal symptoms from the annoying to the dangerous by adjusting her diet. Your baby’s optimal growth is dependent upon the food you take in. Yes, I know, even ladies in very poor circumstances can have reasonably healthy babies, but we’re talking about optimal health. It’s not hard to eat well….eating organically as much as possible is preferable, but if that is not possible, many find that simple, healthy food is actually a lot cheaper than processed food. Why not give it a go?
2)Exercise gently
Walking, yoga, swimming, bellydancing…these are all ways not just to nourish and tone your body and make you strong and supple for birth, but to help you connect more deeply to your centre. These exercises put you in a more meditative state, perhaps helping you discover areas you hold tension, and help you work through that tension.
3)Receive loving touch.
Massage, osteopathy, shiatsu, chiropractic…all of these things help you relax, aid in balancing and aligning your body, and work out aches and pains. They can also help you with somatic/emotional integration, as what often happens with receiving bodywork is a greater awareness of where unprocessed emotions tend to live in your body.
4)Gravitate towards those you have the best relationships with.
Loving, nurturing relationships are crucial to the wellbeing of the pregnant woman. Laughing with good friends, chlling with your mom, having great sex with your partner, consciously tending to and being tended help you grow your baby in an environment of love. If you’re having challenges in your primary relationships, it’s important to have a safe space to talk about these issues. If there were ever a time to get on top of challenges in your love relationship, now would be it for you and your partner to actively work on problems, either together intentionally, or with the help of a good counsellor. Things won’t get easier after the birth of the baby. Being on the same page and figuring out each other’s values surrounding parenting is something that should be worked out.
5)Work with your emotions.
Take inventory of some of the things in your life you’d like to explore, like fears around your changing identity from regular old you into a mother, fears about childbirth, or patterns you’ve outgrown but haven’t found ways to change. Preparing for birth and motherhood is about creating space. When you can let go of some of the emotional energy you may be hanging onto, you have greater access to the resources you need to give birth and mother in a more grounded way. There are many tools you can use to process your emotions, from journaling, creating art, talking to loved ones, or talking to a trusted teacher/guide/therapist.
6)Surround yourself with beauty.
When your surroundings are clean and comfortable, you tend to feel like you have more space within as well as without. The nesting energy of later pregnancy tends to help us with this task. Taking walks outside in Nature and watching movies or things on TV that are uplifting, funny, or inspirational are probably healthier than subjecting yourself and your baby to the chemical reactions that inevitably occur when viewing something violent. Let the smells that suffuse your home be gentle, natural, and yummy, not harsh and chemically.
7)Breathe.
Learning to breathe deeply into all parts of your body to receive life giving energy, then breathing out tension is essential to help you achieve deep relaxation. Learning to focus your breath will help you cope with labour and moments of stress in parenting. Having something for your mind to chew on during labour can be really helpful, and breathing is a great tool. Practice it every day. If you are interested in breathing techniques for labour, you can find many resources to learn them. But practice. I find the most useful breath work is deep abdominal breathing, “ocean breath” of yoga, and vocalization to help release the intense sensations of labour. A great prenatal yoga teacher can be a gem to your pregnancy.
7)Educate yourself properly.
Reading a bunch of things about the birth process that are scary or alarmist doesn’t really help you. Instead, focusing on positive stories of birth and breastfeeding will keep you less stressed, keeping in mind that stress affects your hormones, thus affects birthing and milk let down. You already know the unexpected can happen, but delving into all the possibilities just “to know” isn’t as healthy as perhaps focusing on the couple of things that really stand out to you as frightening. If this is the case, focus on those and figure out what’s bugging you and why. Do some emotional work around it to discover what energy is bound up with these fears. Don’t let people tell you their horror stories about birth. Your hearing them will not help you “prepare”.
Learning your birthing options is crucial to your education. As it’s been said, “if you don’t know your options, you don’t have any.” Your doula or midwife should be able to help you with this, and guide you towards the best resources to give you the most practical prenatal preparation education for birth and mothering. If you are being followed medically, talking to your doctor about your options is important to figure out the birthing terrain. Do a tour of your hospital to find out what sort of resources they have to support your desires. The last thing you want to be is vulnerable to medical interventions you don’t want by not knowing your rights as a consumer of medical care. Private prenatal education tends to be more nuturing and helpful than hospital sponsored classes, though great teachers can be found here too if you don’t have any other resources.
8)Gather support.
If you are going to give birth in a hospital, quite simply, you need a doula, especially if you are hoping for a low to no intervention birth experience and good start to breastfeeding. Hire a postpartum doula to help you build your confidence and make sure you are nurtured afterwards. Ask friends to bring you food if they want to visit. If you’ve ever thought about hiring help around the house, now would be a good time. Make sure your doctor or midwife are on board with your desires as much as possible. If your doctor or midwife make you feel small for asking questions, even LOTS of them, or don’t honour you with straight answers, you probably don’t have the appropriate caregiver for you. So CHANGE caregivers. I help people do this all the time. You are entitled to ask questions, and deserve their time of day. Remember, even if your doctor or midwife are truly too busy to give you the time you need (not because they’re mean, but because there is a terrible shortage and they need to serve as many people as possible), a doula or good childbirth educator can help you fill in the blanks.
9)Slow down.
Growing a baby is a full time job, and often women work in worlds that look down upon pregnancy, or are not fully supportive of the physiological and emotional shifts that go on. Working right up ’til your due date is not something I normally recommend, unless your job is something that really nourishes you or you simply cannot afford to take the time off (in which case, make space where you can, at lunchtime or breaks). I know that my pregnancies were a very rich time of creative energy, and I needed time to bring forth those creations. Stopping to communicate with your baby inside, taking time to envision your birth, making space for emotional checking in…these are all important aspects of preparing for birth. Imagine working in a stressful environment right ’til the day you go into labour, your head full of “to do” lists and worries about “abandoning” your work? This could make labour…interesting.
10)Let go.
Now that you’ve done all your work, let it go. Your birth and breastfeeding experience will unfold as it will. The tools you have used to nourish yourself as fully as you can will serve you well to weather your experience. Knowing you did all you could to prepare yourself body, mind, and soul, you own your birth. You have taken responsibility. You have the resources to cope with all the richness and complexity that is your own unique birth and mothering experience.
Blessed birthing!
