by MotherWit | Feb 3, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hello New Parents and Parents-to-Be!
You are cordially invited to a gathering hosted by the MotherWit Doulas! Whether you are just trying to figure out if doula care is right for you, want to show off your new babies, or reconnect with friends you made at our last Doula Soiree, you are most welcome!
Come to find out what it means to have a doula at your birth or information on post-partum doula care, share and hear birth stories, and have a cup of tea! Come to connect with your community and find out what resources are available to you.
We look forward to seeing you on:
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010
Centre Greene
1090 Avenue Greene, Westmount
from 7:45 to 9:15pm
info@motherwit.ca
by MotherWit | Feb 2, 2010 | Uncategorized
I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond to this question here and on Facebook.
I personally do not have any official position on male doulas. I have never met one, and would love to hear from a guy doing this work.
I am happy to see people responding by being really open to and respectful of ideas. I think this is important as we challenge “traditional” roles and loosen up our clinging to “girl/boy” taboos, and become inclusive of every range of expression of one’s sexuality.
I do, however, have questions.
When I support women in birth, there is definitely a very strong sexual energy they exude. Not an “I’m horny” sexuality, but one in which the emotional state is of full engagement with the body centred experience, like reaching towards orgasm. I am a straight woman, and I hold my clients, straight or gay, with the same energy. I don’t worry the lesbian moms are going to feel inappropriate with me because I am holding them, swaying with them, whispering in their ears encouragement to go more deeply into that state, tending to the intimate care of their bodies, minds, and hearts. I’ve never had an issue with a lesbian mom’s partner having problems with this. A labouring person is a labouring person, whether she’s straight, gay, or doesn’t even identify as a woman. If a labouring person identified as a man, I know I would not have any misgivings about holding his space the very same way. Maybe it’s a womb identification thing that makes me comfortable with all these scenarios.
I may touch the mother’s partner, no matter what the sex of that partner is, in a loving affectionate way just for support, but not at all in the same way I do with the one who is labouring. Though the labouring woman may be naked and I may be literally holding her in my arms and swaying with her, rubbing her back and belly and pouring my love into her when she requires that from me, I would not do that with her partner. I don’t come up behind the father while he’s in the shower and wrap my arms around him while his partner labours because he needs emotional support. Here, outside of the oxytocin trance we all get caught up in, the boundaries of appropriate touch become very clear. What is it about labour that creates this intimacy where it appears the boundaries of normal every day touch fall away, and men who are not partners or clinicians are seemingly allowed to touch women in a very intimate way, which is not overtly “sexual”, but still involved in a powerful expression of her female sexuality?
I have seen images of Michel Odent lovingly hold up a nude labouring woman, saying soothing words intimately in her ear and have not experienced any creepiness in watching that. But I do have to say that when I think of a man helping me through birth the same way I help women, I feel a slight “hmmmmmm”. This is not to judge the guys, it’s more about me. If a man were telling me to breathe down down down into my cervix and imagine it opening, flowering, and feel Baby coming down,no matter what his sexuality, I feel like I personally would question if he was really feeling his words. I wouldn’t question this from a woman, even if she’s never had a baby, no matter her sexuality, because that’s a very deep, instinctual, womanly knowing, even without previous experience. But I’ve never been in that experience, so I don’t know truly how I’d feel. Perhaps a man truly could feel those magical cervix melting words. I have no negative thoughts at all about male docs who catch babies or male midwives, because that role is more clinical. A doula’s role is different, though, somehow a lot more emotionally intimate, so it just raises more questions.
I wonder how my husband would feel about a man physically and emotionally supporting me in the intimate way I support other birthing women. I think it may cause discomfort to a lot of partners. And would it make a difference if this man were gay? Would I choose a male doula over an experienced female one because I clicked better with him, and if I did would it be because of an intuition of better rapport, or a deep, intellect sidestepping, little spark of biological, sexual chemistry? And if so, would that be a terrible thing? Could be not, but could be devastating too.
To some birth attendants, birth has very much the feel of being in a women’s spiritual circle, experiencing a collective expression of women’s own unique belly magic through a birthing woman. I do believe in the sanctity of women’s spiritual circles, as men can and do have their own gatherings. Because birth does have its challenges sometimes, it is normally held within a space that allows for clinical intervention if need be. These clinicians are often men. But even though they’re on the periphery and doing the clinical thing, (like the men perhaps protected the women’s gatherings from the periphery even if they didn’t engage in the ceremonies) they’re not really part of the dance, part of that intimate circle of women (and her consort), regardless of their sexuality. How about this: because we want to break down traditional gender roles and identifications (and so we should in many respects to become a more loving, inclusive society), does this necessarily mean it’s sexist for a woman to not choose a wonderful and experienced male doula simply because he’s a man? Why not? Where do Nature and pheremones and biological pulls assert authority, if it is possible that they do, over our arguments for breaking with traditional roles in the birthing room?
Remember, these are truly questions, not me playing devil’s advocate or asserting a position. I’m looking for potential answers, not arguments, because I’m not putting forth any. I would love love love to speak to a doula brother and have him give us some answers.
Respect to all loving and well intentioned birth attendants everywhere, no matter who you are.
by MotherWit | Feb 2, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m throwing this out there, then I’m a steppin’ back.
Male doulas, people. What’s your view? Talk amongst yourselves.
by MotherWit | Feb 1, 2010 | Uncategorized
I am very very excited about the upcoming MotherWit Birth Doula Intensive in July. I am just so thankful to Sue Appleton from New Brunswick who was really straight up: “I want to train with you. I live in New Brunswick, and you in Montreal. My granny has a big place in the Laurentians we can use for an intensive. If I can provide a space, will you do it?”
The MotherWit Birth Doula Training has really flowered into something I didn’t expect, and comes from a deeply intentional soul place. It’s more personal than any teaching I’ve done, and we’ll look a lot not just at what our clients bring of themselves to birth, but what we personally bring as birth attendants.
I’m in the throes of a feverish creativity that’s hit me this year. It has been lying dormant, perhaps waiting until my youngest weaned, and is now here with a vengeance. I am writing like crazy, developing different trainings and ideas for more trainings, as well as tending to my MotherWit Doula Care business, which is also a reflection of the way I have been wanting to work for a long time. This seems to be the year for bringing what’s on the inside, out. I am setting the structures, planting the seeds, and tending to them. May spring and summer culminate into a beautiful garden!
I decided to stop doing what my husband calls “waiting for a harmonic convergence”…meaning trying to find a perfect time and combination of circumstances and people, for everything to be “ideal”, BEFORE starting to manifest the vision of how I want to work. I’ve learned that digging my heels just leaves me behind, caught up in a quest for perfection that’s not going to happen anyway. I decided to trust that the opportunities and requests arising are little nudges to use my creative powers to make new, fun, and interesting things happen. Change can be scary and uncomfortable. But I have good support.
I am very excited about the incredible women who seem to be drawn to July’s intensive. I have had the privilege to communicate with some truly bright, open, sensitive, committed people, and I think we’re going to create a powerful circle within which to learn. I received an email yesterday from a woman I met while teaching the “labour and delivery” segment of her childbirth education class awhile back. She told me that class had inspired her to pursue doula training, and was planning to travel to Ontario to do it. She fell upon the information for my training by fluke, and asked for an application. Sometimes these things happen through acts of synchronicity, and they just feel right.
You can request applications from info@motherwit.ca. We would love to have you on board. Things are moving forward quickly, so those who have applications, get ’em on in!
by MotherWit | Jan 31, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hi all,
Welcome to the new format! I got a few comments about how hard it was to read the white text on black background. I am here to serve you. My husband and I have hit 40, and we have noticed we are becoming a little cliche in that our eyesight is just not getting any better. We find ourselves pulling our books further away or closer than usual, trying to find the places the words don’t blur. And forget about the fine print. Reading white on black is apparently much easier on the eyes of the seeing impaired. I know reading that way is easier for me. But hey, I am writing it, not reading it, and if black on white is what readers want, that is what they get!
Thanks everyone who took the time to write me and mention their issues with the colours. I appreciate the feed back! Hope this is easier on your eyes…Young’ens…LOL!
