by MotherWit | Apr 22, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hi Everyone! As you know from previous blogs, this doula is destined for Madagascar. The cause? To fulfill a request from a group of mothers and midwives in the area of Mahatsinjo to help them empower themselves to improve the health of women and children. Many women do not give birth in good health and there is a high rate of infant death, often from preventable causes. The women want information on family planning and the midwives want some obstetric training, among many other things. We will work together to identify areas of need. We as the visiting group are very excited to talk to these women and learn from them. I am so curious to hear how they help a woman experiencing a long birth cope with pain and fatigue, and to know about some of the massage techniques they use to treat infertility. These are some very experienced traditional midwives, who attend many many births. But they lack equipment and some aspects of training that could potentially create better outcomes in challenging situations. Some equipment would also make their lives easier.
To any of you out there who know companies willing to donate equipment and especially funds, it would mean so much to us, the Malagasy and North American members of Taratra Reny sy Zaza.
We need:
Mechanical Hanging Scales (12 lbs, SKU0188) $67.00 (need 4)
D-Ring Flannel Sling (SKU954) $13.00 (need 4)
Rochester Pean Miltex® hemostats for cord clamping 7″ straights
Rochester Pean 7″ curved hemostats
Blunt/blunt scissors 7″ (can be used for cord cutting, episiotomy and tongue – tie clipping etc.)
Fetal Stethoscope (SKU2055) $15.00 (need 4)
Portable Headlights – the LED kind
Retractable Tape Measure (SKU0361) $18.00 box of 6 (need 1 box)
Blood pressure cuffs (donation approved by Medical Exchange International)
Stethoscopes, of the regular cheap variety: http://www.1cascade.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=7655 can be used with the BP cuffs and for regular infant/maternal screening.
Gloves: Small and Medium (SKUSM112, SKUMD112) $10.00 (need 8 boxes) (1 non latex for me please!)
Watches: (need 4)
Old fashioned thermometers (last forever if they don’t get broken, no batteries to replace, and more reliable even though they are slow)
DeLees
Cord tape: http://www.1cascade.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=1199 the non-sterile ones listed come with a neat dental floss style cutter, but of course will need to be sterilized.
10 french vinyl catheters with the Luer style end to them – they can be used as an in-out urinary catheter, to assist infant feeding (either gavage or SNS style), and in a pinch can be hooked up to a syringe and used as a suction device (like a DeLee)
Dopplers
doppler gel…
Icterometers? http://www.1cascade.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=0179
pregnancy wheels
Pregnancy tests
“pee sticks” http://www.1cascade.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=8176
rehydration salts
Drugs: Misoprostol, Ampi, Amoxi, Cipro
We need funds to purchase some tickets and supplies for the travel there (most of that is already funded by the African Woman’s Development Fund, as well as this equipment.
So far, we have a comedy night planned for June 3rd (more info about that soon), we are hoping to hold a silent auction, and screen the film Premier Crie. But we need funds really soon for the ticket purchase. If there is anyone out there willing to donate funds to this project, please contact me at info@motherwit.ca, or see more information on donations, check out http://www.sadabe.org/support.html
Any help and suggestions would be most welcome.
Thanks, all,
Lesley
by MotherWit | Apr 18, 2010 | Uncategorized
There are so many “shoulds” when it comes to birthing and parenting. There are so many ideals, many of them conflicting, it is amazing women in the childbearing year aren’t walking around with their heads literally spinning.
One of the “isms” I now find many of my clients getting caught up in is goal/achievement oriented perfectionism. They are terribly terribly worried they are not going to do something perfectly “right”, and end up damaging their babies permanently. But what does “right” mean?
I was sitting in a cafe with my new student Kat, who is a circus performer among other interesting things, and I just loved the way she described her concern about the “swinging of the pendulum, from one extreme to another.” Which is a poor mama supposed to do, unassisted birth where she is to trust Nature implicitly and believe any issue that arises is a reflection of her deep seated emotional traumas, or a scheduled C-section to bypass all potential obstetric concerns? Should she exclusively breastfeed until child led weaning even if she feels revulsion in her very core every time the kid eyes her boobs because it is emotionally damaging to impose weaning upon a child, or should the child be well versed in bottle feeding immediately after birth so as not to become too clingy? Is “middle ground” too “suburban”? What is middle ground anyway? What will my friends think? Will my mother-in-law judge me? Which book is the right book?
I have women telling me they are afraid to put their hopes anywhere because if birth goes awry and they end up needing an intervention, they don’t want to feel disappointed in themselves. Why would they feel disappointed in themselves?! We are so afraid to become disappointed in ourselves if we veer from our own sense of ideal. Why are we so hard on ourselves, especially in an arena that is as unpredictable as birth and mothering? The arena in which we are the most vulnerable and needing tenderness is sadly the one in which we are so judgmental of ourselves and others.
Every woman’s birth and parenting experience simply is what it is. I don’t have any answers as to how it should be for any given woman. For example, women are expected to be full of love and awe for this baby flying onto their chest immediately after birth. Yes, it is true, the vast majority of women are over the moon to receive their babies in their arms right after birth…but the occasional woman needs a few moments to come back to herself before embracing her child. And what is wrong with that? It’s not exactly natural for a baby to be “delivered” onto us after birth, as nice as this image might be. Without people between our legs to catch the infant, we’d probably kneel or squat on the ground, give birth, and take the baby to us when we were good and ready, which may be in a minute or so after birth. We must not allow this mom who feels a need to take a breather before receiving her baby to feel like she’s defunct and lacking in maternal instinct.
Another example is the “breast crawl” rage. I do love a good breast crawl, but it is something I never knew about when I was having my own babies. My gut maternal instinct was to take my babies to my heart and offer them my breast when they seemed ready for it. I don’t think I did anything “wrong” because breast crawl is “supposed” to be the be all and end all. By all means, if this is what a woman wants to do, this is her prerogative, and I fully support that as an amazing start to breastfeeding. But again, it is an ideal. Others may find it a bit intellectual to watch the cool crawlie thing the baby happens to be able to do.
I am tired of a generation of new mothers feeling like they’re failing every time they do something that veers from their or another’s version of “ideal”. We do our best. If a mom really wants a natural birth and ends up receiving an epidural, the last thing she needs is my judgement. Why don’t we focus on the really positive aspects of her labour instead? If a nurse or doctor sweet talks her into giving her baby a bit of formula in the hospital after I’ve left, even though it was against her better judgement (but she was told she was starving her baby with her inadequate boobs), yes we’ll hold the space for her to express her feelings about this when I talk to her postpartum. And then we’ll move on, because really, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world that in a fit of desperation the baby received a “dose” of formula. No, it’s not a good situation at all, and yes, the hospital shouldn’t have done it. But what’s done is done, and wallowing in the quagmire of “I should have” or “If only I had been strong enough to..” leads to a lack of presence for the situation at hand, which is to mother a new baby . Getting too hung up on our “failures” heals nobody.
Besides, there are so many little perfections to achieve in the realm of birth and mothering, it’s impossible for us to please every expert, every friend, every family member. And really, that’s quite a good lesson in letting go of the “pleaser” impulse within many women. Mothers need to be strong, and to protect their sense of “rightness”. This is often why new moms are very strong advocates of what they do, and I think this is a beautiful thing. But it’s important to temper that passion with wisdom, knowing that what is bliss for one mother may be trauma for another, and doing what our hearts tell us is where it’s at. If my client chooses an epidural and feels proud of herself for how she gave birth and is a really happy mom, I’m nothing but happy for her. If I come to a new mother’s house 8 days postpartum, the mother has a baby with a pacifier in his mouth, and she’s gleaming with pride telling me she tried out the binky by chance and found everyone got an extra hour of sleep and her milk production/sore nipple issue improved with that rest, I say, “Bravo!” even though pacifiers are not “supposed” to be used in the first six weeks after birth.
The more perfection experts put out there, the more judgement there is upon that mom who discovers that her baby may have different needs from her neighbour’s baby, who follows the rules to a “T” of whatever “The _______ Whisperer” book is all the rage at the time (insert whatever you can think of in that blank, “whisperer” being the mot du jour for “expert”). I would like to write a book for new parents called There Is No Master Plan. There are as many ways to birth and parent as there are parents and babies.
I have heard enough criticism of women over the years to make me step back and see that fellow mothers can eat each other alive when armed with a load of ideals. I was at a birth once in which the mother’s friend said, “well, I don’t know why you yelled like that. I was focused inwardly, and was really quiet.” My plump, vigorous newborn was blissfully nursing at my plump, vigorously spurting breasts and a friend walked in and said, “you shouldn’t be holding your breast like that.” I’ve had mothers try to talk the doctor into forcing their daughters to take an epidural during labour. It’s hard to come out unscathed with all of these intense belief systems being projected onto our unique relationships to our babies from every angle.
Let us also remember that babies are resilient. Yes, they are tender and vulnerable, but they are STRONG. If a baby ended up being separated from his mother for awhile after birth and the mother discovers later in life that this was a “bad” thing, it does not mean she’s irrevocably damaged her child with her “ignorance”. People find healing from releasing the wounds of the past and focusing on the present. A baby who has been separated from his mother will heal from loving, focused presence NOW. You can’t go back in time, really. You can go back with therapeutic techniques, and this can be a great thing for some wounds, in mothers and babies alike. But sometimes focusing upon something that may really be small in life’s grand order may just make it all bigger than it needs to be, rather an attempt to assuage guilt from not being perfect than an impetus for true healing. That’s for the individual to determine, not an “expert”.
I’d like to remind people that whether you’re shooting ideals from the left or shooting ideals from the right, shooting at people is still violent, and you can end up injuring a vulnerable being. Instead, let us mother authentically, being who we are, and doing what we feel…and allow others to mother in their own authentic way. There are many paths to enlightenment.
by MotherWit | Apr 15, 2010 | Uncategorized
I ran into the midwife of my fourth birth this weekend at a workshop. She had just popped by for the end of it, so I only encountered her briefly. I haven’t seen her for a few years, and when I did my heart gave a little flutter. The emotional connection you forge with someone who has been with you for a short but very intense, intimate event in your life is bonding. You don’t bond with everyone who may see you birth. I didn’t bond with the nurses or doctors at my second kid’s birth, as lovely as they were. But I bonded very strongly with my midwives, as I chose them to be the physical and emotional keepers of my birthing space.
People who know me well know I usually keep my emotions pretty close to my heart. It’s not that I’m not an emotional person…I most definitely am, perhaps even more than the average person. I am moved deeply. It’s just that I’m not emotionally effusive. In public anyway. Most of my bestest friends have not even seen me cry before, even in the face of some pretty intense things. I don’t think my mother has even seen me cry since I was 14. I tend to hold it in until I get space alone. I have always been this way. I remember hiding under tables as a child to sob inconsolably when I heard a sad story, and didn’t like people looking at me and calling attention to it. I’m just sort of private that way. As a student of psychotherapy, most students took the opportunity to do a session with the trainer while the rest of the class observed, and most were absolutely transformed, having felt safe and enveloped by the group’s loving energy. We who observed learned so much and I was always grateful for those brave souls who could bare their innermost selves so easily. Yet I never took that opportunity to be observed in session, as I just felt like my emotional expressions were not something I wanted shared in a group. So if you ever see me in a very emotional situation but don’t see me being emotionally expressive, please don’t assume I’m unfeeling. I just process it in a more solitary way.
Anyway, the relationship with the one who holds the space for your birth is a different thing. My midwife knows all my physical and emotional history. A woman’s social masks are let down throughout the natural birth process, and we become raw. There’s not much of me my midwife hasn’t seen. She knows the dynamic between my husband and me (having seen us labour together), she knows first hand how I respond to pain, stress, and fear. She understands my deepest needs as a woman to express my birth authentically and undisturbed. She has seen pretty much everything my body is capable of emitting up close and personal. We met my son at the same time. There is really nothing more intimate than that.
When I saw Isabelle this weekend, she came up to me and gave me a huge hug, and it just felt SO good to be in her presence again. I have been fully myself before her in a way nobody else (except for those who attend my birthings) has seen. I am absolutely safe with her. I chatted with my midwife for a bit, and she told me how she had such fond memories of Finn’s birth, that her apprentice learned so much by attending a birth that was “held” as opposed to “managed”. I said to her, “You said something to me that I will never forget. You told me I was a woman who owned my birth…I’m not sure why, but that moves very deeply, resonates through all my cells, and I am just SO grateful for those words.” And as I said that, tears arose unchecked, and they could, because it was Isabelle who was standing in front of me…there is no point in my hiding anything from her. There are probably not that many people I trust more.
Isabelle told me she always teaches her students to be so careful with the language they use. She said, “The words that come out my mouth could potentially be somebody’s magic words.” She certainly spoke mine.
As doulas, midwives, nurses, and doctors, it’s important to never underestimate how deeply entrusted we are with someone’s most vulnerable, raw, authentic self. We witness their heroic journeys, see them emerge with their babies, hearts wide open, and a few words gleaned from our observations can support or warp their impressions of themselves for better or for worse. This is an emotional responsibility unlike any other. We must always remember to hold our ladies (and their partners) tenderly. We must be so gentle with their vulnerable, fledgling mother/father selves. Our words and actions could potentially hold some powerful magic. They may stimulate a healing impulse, or soothe away deeply embedded self-doubts. Isabelle’s words touched my spirit in such a profound way, they create waves of power and strength within me each time I utter them them to myself…years later. Nobody can ever take them away from me. I am a woman who owns my birth.
by MotherWit | Apr 14, 2010 | Uncategorized
The Great Lady Birth was kind today. As doulas, we all want our clients to have wonderful births, obviously. But occasionally a birth comes along as a blessing for a person who is particularly worthy of it.
I attended the third birth of a lady today. I was present for her first and second births. Those births were hard. To say the least. Due to anatomical issues, this lady is unable to have an epidural work for her. Not that she’s necessarily into them, but it can be scary for many women to know if, on the off chance something comes up and surgery is necessary, birth will be under general anaesthesia. To make things even more challenging, this lady’s first 2 births were induced. The first birth was over 24 hours of the type of labour that is not riding waves, but being slammed with mechanical Synto contractions with barely time to breathe between the onslaughts. It was white pain, the type that makes it impossible to relax and find resources within. This is not a woman unfamiliar with pain, due to health issues in her life, and this “practice” was undoubtedly in her favour, as she heroically birthed her baby vaginally. An epidural by the most experienced anaesthetist in the hospital was attempted several times, but to very little avail, so at some point she just accepted this as her experience and went with it. Residents and nurses would come in to check in on her, and would leave the room looking white and pinched, as there was very little they could do to help with pain that was beyond the scope of normal birthing sensations. Her husband and I stayed by her side, just being present, and so thankful when it was time to push, as at least that went smoothly. She welcomed her baby with joy, but was left quite shaken by such a difficult birth.
Between babies one and two, there were experiences of potentially life threatening illness, and a terrible loss. Conception was difficult, but finally baby #2 was on his way. This birth was just like the second, though only half the time, thank goodness, but still terribly difficult. This lady remains thoughtful and kind throughout her labours, though where she finds the strength, I don’t know. Baby 2 was born vaginally as well, even though she had been offered the opportunity to birth via C-section because of the nature of her last birth. Unfortunately, she had to be separated from her baby soon after because of an emergency which arose for her after the birth. This was the most traumatic part of the birth for her. Still, she weathered these situations with equanimity, always, as a very spiritual person, figuring she must be a pretty strong woman to have the universe send her such challenges. No feelings of victimization for this lady, which after all she’s been through, demonstrates what a strong character she truly is.
She called me again a few months ago saying she had just found out she was pregnant…around 4 or 5 months pregnant! This was a shock, as she had been told the possibility of getting pregnant again was pretty much nil. She felt she had fully reclaimed the health and strength of her body, was in a great place with her kids and husband, and needed to take some time to adjust to the idea of having another baby. But in her usual style, she dug deeply, and looked forward to the arrival of a new baby, though the thought of giving birth again was scary. This is a lady who associates hospitals with illness and suffering, and so didn’t want to have to give birth there again, but because of her history, there was just no other feasible way for her to feel truly safe. We met prenatally and had a good pep talk, and she told me a few different ways she wanted to approach labour. She wanted to avoid being induced this time if she could (due to physical concerns, it’s not something easily debatable at all after a certain point), and found a wonderful Naturopathic Doctor to do some homeopathic magic with her. She did a lot of emotional/spiritual work, and took extremely good care of herself, keeping fit and healthily nourished.
Another induction was set up, but lo and behold, I got a call at 3am today, and she told me she was having some good contractions. They were not too long and not too intense, and was hanging out with her hubby and mom. She told me she’d call later. I felt a little nervous for some reason, not able to go back to sleep….when this happens, I usually call back to check in, because sometimes these little niggling concerns are intuitions. I was reassured that all was well, but that she really wanted to stay home for longer. Fair enough. I went back to sleep. At 6am I checked back in, and labour was definitely stronger, but she sounded great. She was happy. She was going to wait at home until rush hour passed. Of course I was thinking that we had an hour drive, that labour sounded strong, and her mother and hubby were becoming antsy, but she was insistent. She knew what she was doing.
I went over at nine, and she was sitting on a birth ball in a dark room full of candles, vocalizing beautifully. She looked at me, took my hand, and her eyes filled with tears. “Lesley, I don’t want to go to the hospital.” This being in natural labour was so different from the inductions. She didn’t have the same tension in her body and fear in her eyes. The energy of Synto can be dark, making people feel like they’re in a bad trip instead of a dreamy endorphin trance. She had hated that place. It had suffocated her while she was tied to a bed, IV, and monitor. Now she was labouring…well, naturally, and doing beautifully. My heart ached for her, because I wanted nothing more than to just stay there and hold the space for her and her husband to give birth peacefully and undisturbed, the way she had always wanted. But that is not the role I have signed on for. Besides, even though she was expressing this love of being home, she was resolved about going to the hospital. I think she just needed to grieve a little. We got ready to go, and in the car she could feel the baby moving down. She was still chatty with me between the contractions, so I knew we were not in a mad dash to the hospital.
My client was feeling really awful about getting out of the car and being exposed to all the people in the hospital who would stare at the vocalizing labouring lady. She was also really scared of being examined by an unknown resident. So I shielded her as best I could. Of course, the elevator was acting wonkily, and we had to wait for awhile. She just snuggled into me, vocalizing into my shoulder while her husband parked, and it just looked like we were two friends hugging, so nobody bothered us, trying to get her into a wheelchair. Finally we walked into the elevator, and lo and behold who was there? Her beloved doctor! They hugged and the doctor expressed how happy she was to see her in labour. She suddenly felt much better about being on the elevator. I mentioned to the doctor she seemed to be in pretty active labour, and a few good strong contractions proved that. It was lovely seeing Doc L., who is an incredibly compassionate, dedicated OB, really invested in her patients personally. It was also pretty great to see her do a little labour support, rubbing my client’s back, and having her slow her breathing down.
As my client prepared to be monitored for the standard 30 minutes, she said, “that’s pretty amazing we ran into Doc L., isn’t it? That makes me feel good.” I also reiterated how nice it was that her own trusted doctor was going to do a vaginal examination instead of someone she didn’t know. The doc checked her gently, and said she was 4cm. At first she was a little disappointed, but the doc reassured her that the cervix was completely thinned out, and this made her a lot happier.
After being admitted, which took awhile with questions, etc., my client finally got up and really got things going. She was getting to a place where she was wondering if she could do it, and we reminded her of how well things were going, of how different the energy was from the last times….much lighter and more expansive. We went to the jacuzzi room, which is dark, warm, and humid….a perfect environment for a labouring lady. As she was standing, having contraction after contraction, coping gorgeously, I heard a little grunting happen….ever so subtly… if you weren’t listening carefully you might have missed it. She really wanted to get into the bath, and I thought,” hmmmmmm….I know they don’t like catching babies in there, and I know she is showing signs of being in second stage….and it’s a third baby….conundrum.” She said she felt hot, so I ran back to the birth room and grabbed some cool washcloths. When I got back 15 seconds later, there was a puddle of brownish amniotic fluid on the floor and a clearly pushing client. The nurse popped in, and my client announced she would NOT be moving. But as the waters were brown, the nurse wanted me to get her to come back to the room. It wasn’t far, so between contractions we shuffled over. Her mom was in the room and looked at us with surprise, realizing the baby was coming. My client got on the bed and of course, was being told NOT to push, though it was clear there was nothin’ gonna stop her.
I just whispered into her ear to let her body follow her baby. My client really didn’t want the resident present to examine her, and the nurse told him to leave her alone, that if the baby was going to come, it was going to come, and an exam wasn’t going to change anything. The baby’s head birthed by itself the next contraction, and the resident caught the body and lifted a pink, yelling little boy into my client’s arms. No tears. Easy placenta birth. Minimal bleeding. Great start to breastfeeding. A beautiful, yummy baby, born 1 hour after arriving at the hospital. My client looked at me with a huge smile and said, “I MOSTLY did it at home!” We were over the moon. I said, “Hon, everyone deserves a great birth…but you REALLY REALLY deserved this great birth.” She said, “Yup, I sure did. And I’m SO proud of myself. I love my baby.”
Thank you, oh Great Lady Birth, for your benevolence today! You couldn’t have picked a better person to bestow such kindness upon.
Lesley
www.MotherWit.ca
by MotherWit | Apr 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m just back from the Birth and Healing workshop with Lewis Mehl-Madrona.
He was such a sweet, gentle presence…very down to earth, well spoken, and obviously very committed to his work in healing.
It was powerful to be in a circle of women who have such a profound respect for the process of birth and for the women in their care. Lewis demonstrated how to do a narrative interview, skillfully and subtly evoking the story surrounding a traumatic birth experience of one of the workshop participants. Later, he did some guided imagery work to help a woman deal with grief. What I loved about his approach was his gentleness….no cathartic button pushing, no big dramas…just a suggestion to stagnant energy to begin to flow. Lovely.
As always, it was SUCH a breath of fresh air to hang out with old, good friends. I don’t get enough time with Rivka and Sarah. When we get together, we get to be our cantakerous old gossipy selves, not having to show our virtuous faces to the public, until we laugh so hard our worry lines melt away.
