by MotherWit | Jan 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
I saw a Tweet on Twitter today in which a doula said she hated it when women claimed they had a natural birth, when truly it was not “natural”, but “vaginal” with an epidural. Just to say before I go on, I took this single phrase and am running with it with impunity…I am using it as inspiration to create an example to illustrate something, most likely out of context of what she actually meant. Doula sister, if you’re out there, please know I’m not chewing you out. In fact, I thank you for providing this phrase as friendly blog fodder.
It IS frustrating for natural birth supporters to be part of a culture in which birthing vaginally, compared to the insane rate of those experiencing C-section births, is starting to be considered “natural”, even if all kinds of other medications were used. It’s brutal, in fact.
However, I think we need to be careful about how we express frustration of this nature. I often get criticized because I tend to tread carefully and walk the line of diplomacy instead of standing up fiercely for my beliefs. The thing is, is that I do stand up for them…just not with ferocity many can obviously perceive. I tend not to go for “shock value”. If nursing my 3 year old in public caused shock, well, that’s another story, but, like all mothers giving their toddlers a little snack, it was not with the intention of making waves, it was just to do the mothering that was required in the moment. Intending to shock is one thing, but causing shock because you’re mothering according to your values is another….the latter is a healthy exercise in stretching our cramped cultural boundaries..
I digress. My point is that “making wrong” is not, in my humble opinion, the greatest way to create growth. In my experience, anyhow, I can’t speak for everyone. If I, an excited new mom who gave birth vaginally, especially perhaps if I were told that my chances of having a C-section was up to 50% depending upon where I lived, and I went up to you and said, “I had a natural birth!” and you said, “well….maybe it was vaginal, but you took an epidural and synto, so you can’t really say it was natural, can you?” I would either a) get very defensive and never want to share anything with you in enthusiasm again, b)feel stupid for making a “mistake” with my words and the little bubble of maternal pride around me deflate, or c)dig in my heels, claim that indeed having a vaginal birth was natural in this day and age, go off and tell others what a hippie and natural birth “nazi” you were, and widen the divide in order to escape the pain you caused by your criticism of me.
I can tell you what I wouldn’t do. I probably wouldn’t say, “thank you for enlightening me to the fact that my natural birth wasn’t natural at all. I am a product of my culture, and was in the wrong. I now know the way, and thank you for showing it to me. I will be inspired now to truly have a natural birth next time.” We may hope that our passionate opinions enlighten others, and we enthusiastically promote them with the hopes of changing the world for the better, but I find there are more effective ways to convey them.
To my doula and midwife friends I may certainly vent my frustrations about what we as a culture consider “natural” birth. But to a mother who had just had her “natural” birth, it would be a different thing. I would say, “Wow, CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you are SO proud of yourself! It is certainly something to celebrate when your baby is born vaginally!” This doesn’t enable a new mother to go on thinking the way she does, it fills her full of the joy she deserves to feel for having had a baby. When you make her feel good about herself, it opens the doors to communication instead of shutting them in your face because you have created defensiveness or shame.
Also, there are other situations to consider. I have had a few ladies who have gone through very long labours naturally, and who had extremely long second stages (pushing), and in the hospital the clock was ticking away the minutes until an inevitable C-section. Some of them took the epidurals that were recommended in order to have a break for a while, and then resumed pushing, all of them ending in vaginal birth. Would I NOT “allow” these women to claim natural birth for themselves because, technically, they had taken an epidural after having been 10cm for a few hours and pushing for a few more?! I don’t think so. How about women who labour for days at home, experiencing intense, almost constant back labour, and then going to the hospital, having an epidural for a few hours and pushing the baby out? Okay, technically they are vaginal births with epidural, but given these women have gone through more hardcore labour than the average woman having a garden variety epidural free birth, does she not have a right to say “natural” birth without having to clarify to everyone? These types of birth deserve all the celebrating you can give to a woman who has gone through one. Personally, when one of my clients goes through something like this and I’m with her when someone asks her if she did it “naturally” and she doesn’t really feel like giving the whole story but wants to honour herself for doing the equivalent of 3 labours in a row but had an epidural for a couple hours near the end, I’ll just wink at her, encouraging her to own it however the hell she wants.
I am reading Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding, and am really loving its tone. It is full of information about how breastfeeding is the very best thing for the vast majority of babies, and communicated with passion, honestly citing the dangers of formula feeding. But there is also an undercurrent of real compassion for those women who chose, for whatever reason, to not breastfeed their babies. Her language is very careful in not trying to make anyone feel like an idiot or a bad mother for having made different choices. In trying to educate the public, you can’t use language you might use when you are preaching to the choir.
I learned a lesson in judgement towards mothers that I have never forgotten. One day I was at a restaurant with my husband, and I saw a woman bottle feeding a newborn. I was appalled! I was mortified! I was shocked! I was so thickly surrounded by my cloak of self righteous indignation and anger at this mother for her stupidity in NOT breastfeeding, I didn’t even recognize her. She saw me, smiled, and approached me. I was mortified to realize it was a LOVELY woman I had met at a La Leche League meeting. She was physically, because of some congenital breast issues, unable to provide milk for her babies. She attended the meetings to get support, because even though she couldn’t provide nearly enough milk to nourish her child, she still nursed after the bottle was given, for superior physical and emotional connection. She didn’t need my judgement, she needed my support. I am so glad this lesson was put in my way, as it changed my approach to communication a lot.
Most of my clients come to me not being sure about whether or not they will choose an epidural for their labours. It is not true that only granola types approach doulas for support…it is often women who are terrified of pain and whose husbands are not sure how to help them. If I jumped in and lectured them about the evils of epidural, I probably wouldn’t have such a low epidural rate. While I don’t think we need to simper, pander, and enable, I do think we need to honour, love, and respect. During birth, what helps a labour go more efficiently? Is it criticizing a woman about how long it’s taking, correcting her when she expresses her pride in herself at how she’s managing, only to be told she ain’t felt nothing yet, or giving a woman praise and encouragement?
There are many paths to enlightenment, and I’m only talking from my experience. I’m not trying to tell people how to speak or how to be. It takes all kinds to change the world. I’m just saying that I think there is value in gentleness and tending to the here and now feelings of others, putting the desire to be “right” lower on the priority scale, even if that desire is motivated by good intentions.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!
‘nite, all!
by MotherWit | Jan 10, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hello, all!
I have been doula-ing my heart out this week. 2010 has started with a bang. I had 5 babies born in 4 days….a set of twins, a preemie singleton, and then another set of twins.
All babies are well, Thank God.
One set of twins was born by C-section due to what the mother and her caregiver decided were positions that made them uncomfortable to attempt vaginal birth. These lovely boys ended up being 8 and 7 pounds 12 ounces. Can you IMAGINE shlepping around almost 16 pounds worth of squirmy babies in your belly?! I always want to give standing ovations to my twin moms…until you hang out with them a bit in their late pregnancies, you don’t really get how intensely challenging it is carrying multiple babies around. This mother has an absolute angel of a friend who has been donating some of her own breastmilk (she also has twins) to help out. Now, that is love.
The next day, a mom called me with broken waters at 35 weeks. We went to the hospital and labour started soon after. She had a lovely, quick labour and afterwards said, “that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!” The young man latched on right away and is in great shape….a very happy experience! My favourite moment was when the paediatrician, who was asked to be present because the baby was early, refused to look at the baby under the warmer when the nurse put him there. He said, “no…skin to skin is where this baby belongs. This is where I’m doing my work, on his mother where he is healthiest.”
The next day, an induction was scheduled for another set of twins, due to some serious health challenges with the mom. The labour went quickly and beautifully, even though it took over a day to get going. When the first baby was born, Mom said, “that didn’t hurt as much as I thought!” Ah, music to my ears! The second baby was, let’s just say, much more dramatic. To make a long story short, with great to do, he literally, with a loud sound, POPPED out, all 4 pounds of him. He’s tiny and getting some oxygen in the nursery to assist his breathing, but he’s in good shape. The mom was very weak after birth and unable to sit up, so I had a lovely, quiet time holding her beautifully latched daughter to her breast, skin to skin for her while the little girl’s grandmother, who was a blessed, wonderful presence at this birth, cooed adoringly over her. The boy was in the nursery hanging out with his dad.
So that’s the update in doula land. I am longing for a couple days at home without work or family or housework duty just to dedicate to paperwork and site building, but no…lots of pre and post natals all this upcoming week.
I apologize to my beloved friends who are probably wondering why they are so sadly neglected. I love you all, you know that!
I am off to rest my weary legs which have been up all night supporting labour and helping twins breastfeed…hopefully it will be a night of uninterrupted sleep before the next baby decides to arrive.
by MotherWit | Jan 4, 2010 | Uncategorized
Motherwit Intensive Doula Training Retreat
When: July 18th to 23rd, 2010
Where: The location for our training will be in a large, comfortable home in Morin Heights, located in the beautiful Laurentians of Quebec, about an hour from Montreal.
Who: This training is for those women who want to pursue a career in supporting women in birth. This can either serve as a complete professional training as a doula, as a stepping stone towards a career in midwifery, nursing, or medicine, or as continuing education for those who are already working with birthing women and want to enrich their practices. Even those women who are already working as doulas will find this training exceptionally beneficial.
What is a doula? A doula is a woman who provides supportive care to women and their families throughout the childbearing year. The woman’s primary caregiver (her doctor or midwife) is responsible for her clinical wellbeing, meaning the monitoring of her and her baby’s health is carried out by them. Doulas provide the missing link in modern maternity care, which is the nurturing of the pregnant/birthing/postpartum woman. In order to feel satisfied with her childbearing experience, a mother needs to have been treated with love and respect, to have felt heard, to have been honoured.
Doulas offer the mother and her partner time in which to ask questions, vent their frustrations, express their concerns, clarify their values about birth and parenting, providing them with information, preparatory education, supportive physical and emotional comfort, and advocacy of their needs and desires.
Doulas accompany the woman thoughout labour and birth, and facilitate the transition into motherhood. Her partner also benefits tremendously from a doula’s support. With a doula taking care of many of the small things required in birth, the partner can relax and be fully present for the labouring mom in the way they see fit.
Doulas also provide postpartum care by supporting the unique breastfeeding relationship between mother and child, and by smoothing some of the inevitable bumps along the untravelled road.
The doula is a complementary member of the woman’s healthcare team. She empowers a woman to make informed choices about her care, and then supports those unique choices. She serves as a resource for many of the woman’s needs. A doula never diagnoses or assumes clinical care of her client. All health concerns are required to be brought to the attention of the primary caregiver.
Why: Motherwit Doula Training provides training above and beyond what is taught in popular, weekend workshop format courses. Not only do we study the pregnancy, birthing, and postpartum process and ways to support it in all kinds of settings, but you will learn a myriad of tools to work holistically with your clients. You will learn, for example, how to help a woman deal with the sensations of labour, how to navigate your way though a challenging hospital system without creating conflict, how to care for yourself as you care for others, how to run your doula business, how to build community for new mothers and other doulas, and most importantly, how, in your own unique, loving, authentic way, to contribute to the healing of our North American birth culture one mother, father, and baby at a time.
How: The week long format will allow you to immerse yourself in the world of doula work. By living in close quarters with other women, we will be in community, sharing chores, meals, and babycare. This is traditionally how women learn, not in a shiny classroom with a teacher at the head, but in a circle, multitasking and sharing, within an environment surrounded by beauty. We are allowed to share anecdotes, heal through storytelling, tell bawdy jokes, be free with our emotions, all the while doing in depth, intense and often technically complicated study of supporting birth.
You will be given a study guide annotating important learnings, as well as a checklist to help you fulfill your requirements outside of class. These requirements must be finished within a year of taking this training in order to be certified as a Motherwit Doula, otherwise extra fees will be incurred. Upon completion of certain requirements, you will be eligable for a 3 birth apprenticeship period with Lesley or another Motherwit Doula, if you so desire, at an additional cost.
Details: As doulas promote attachment parenting whenever possible, nursing babies are always welcome to attend trainings with their mothers. For very attached toddlers, mothers may bring a childcare provider with them in order to allow her to study thoughout the day. Caregivers and other children are welcome to join us for breaks and meals. The house can comfortably accommodate about 12 people, but there is another house nearby available if extra space is needed for those who are bringing children and support people. Birth video and storytelling time are not mandatory, but are an enriching experience for participants, and encouraged whenever possible.
There will be plenty of time to ask questions and share experiences, so Lesley asks that we allow the teaching to flow according to its schedule as much as we can in order to cover the massive amounts of information you will be learning. Burning questions will always be answered.
Please feel free to leave or wander the room in order to meet the needs of fussy babies.
Cost: The cost will depend upon the number of participants, the maximum amount being 15. Five and under participants will cost $1200, 6 to 10 participants will cost $1050, and 10 to 15 will cost $950. If accommodation is required, the cost is $200 per trainee, which includes your sleeping quarters, as well as breakfast, lunch, and snacks. If you are bringing a partner/caregiver with you as well, there will be an additional cost of $100 for their accommodation and meals.
Dinner will be provided by participants. Dinner and cleanup duty will be required on one of the workshop evenings. Meals can be prepared in advance and brought frozen from home, or you can bring groceries to make a dish at the house. We ask that you make extra in order to stock the freezer of the very lovely and generous 93 year old lady who is allowing us to use her home for this training.
There will be a non refundable $25 registration fee. Upon being accepted into this program (an interview is required, in person if possible, if not, by phone is fine), you will be asked to send a deposit of $550 to Motherwit Doula Training. If you are unable to attend and have to cancel before June 15th, your deposit will be refunded fully, or, if you wish, applied as credit towards future trainings or services. If you cancel after June 15th, $400 will be refunded to you. The remainder of the fee will be absolutely due the day the training begins. Once all participants are registered, we will let you know what the exact amount will be. Payments can be made by Interac Email Transfer, Money Order, PayPal, or Cash (upon arrival at training).
Outline
Day 1: July 18th
9:00am to 1:00pm
Introductions
Normal Pregnancy, Birth and Breastfeeding Anatomy and Physiology
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Profile of a Doula
Comparing Mainstream vs. Doula views of Prenatal Education, Birth Support, and Postpartum Support
The Doula’s Role in Holding Pain in the Childbearing Year
The Doula as a Change Agent of Modern Birth Culture
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and clean up
8pm-10pm
Birth video, discussion
Day 2: July 19th
9:00am to 1:00pm
The Doula’s Toolkit: An Overview of Holistic Healing Modalities
Before continuing with our work in doula support, we will explore some of the tools doulas use to facilitate a smoother childbearing year. We will look at healing from different points of view, and study energy anatomy, nourishment, breath, herbs, and essential oils. We will be touching, smelling, and tasting, listening to what these medicines have to tell us.
2:00pm to 5:00pm
The Doula’s Toolkit: An Overview of Holistic Healing Modalities Continued
Homeopathy, touch, emotional processing, intuition, guided imagery, and ceremony will be explored as ways to help create more clarity for the woman in her childbearing year, allowing her greater access to her internal resources. We will do exercises which will demonstrate each modality, and create opportunities for you to learn about yourselves as well.
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to 10:00pm
Birth videos and storytelling
Day 3: July 20th
9:00am to 1:00pm
Principles of Fetal Positioning
Palpation
Doula Support for Normal Pregnancy
Doula Support for Normal Labour and Birth
We will be using real live bellies for palpation, and will do hands-on labour support using the tools we learned on Day 2. We will also learn about tools birth clinicians use to monitor the mother and baby’s wellbeing.
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Doula Support for Normal Labour and Birth Continued
Doula Support for Normal Breastfeeding
Nursing babies are asked to show off their skills for demonstration
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
Evening Off
Day 4: July 21st
9:00am to 1:00pm
Doula Support for Pregnancy and Birth Challenges
We will discuss common pregnancy/birth challenges, and discuss the benefits, risks, and alternatives to common treatments. Special situations like breech birth, VBAC, and multiple birth will also be discussed
Grace Under Fire: Using Diplomacy to Deal with Challenging Hospital Routines and Staff
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to 10:00pm
Birth videos and storytelling
Day 5: July 22nd
9:00am to 1:00pm
Birth as Teacher, Birth as Healer
We will discuss Birth as an energy which both teaches and heals, as well as explore some of our own fears about birth.
Loss and Grief
Doula Support for Breastfeeding and Postpartum Challenges
2:00pm to 5:00pm
Doula Support for Breastfeeding and Postpartum Challenges Continued
Role Playing
6:30pm to 8:00pm
Dinner and cleanup
8:00pm to-10:00pm
Talking stick and discussion of how you’d like to share your new skills in your community.
Day 6: July 23rd
9:00am to 1:00pm
Caring for Yourself as a Doula
Creating Boundaries
Dealing With Challenging Clientelle
Conducting Your Pre/Post Natal Meetings
2:30pm to 5:00pm
Managing Your Doula Practice: Payment, Paperwork, and Publicity
A Doula Rite of Passage Ceremony
On this last day, we will take a longer lunch period to ensure we are packed up and ready to leave after class has ended. We will finish up at 5pm.
About the Motherwit Trainer: Lesley Everest has been a doula for 16 years. She is a mother of four children. She has provided professional doula training for nearly seven years.
Lesley brings to her doula and training work nearly two decades of education and practice in holistic healing. She is a certified Polarity practitioner, a certified Pre-Perinatal Massage Practitioner, professionally trained in Psychosynthesis Psychotherapy, and a former La Leche League Leader. She has attended hundreds of women thoughout their childbearing and mothering experiences.
Her doula practice includes approximately 50 to 65 births per year, and between 4 and 12 apprenticeships per year. She is the founder and director of Motherwith Doula Care Services.
Future projects include providing doula training to nurses and medical students/residents, and writing a doula’s guide to childbirth.
For an application or for further info please email info@motherwit.ca
