by MotherWit | Dec 23, 2009 | Uncategorized
Whoohoo! As of tonight until the night of the 26th, I am completely off call!!!!! This is a rare occurrence, and I am revelling in the idea of being able to sleep deeply not caring where my phone is. I leave any potential early birthers in the good hands of my doula buddy Rivka.
I am going to focus on my family and working on my poor, neglected website. Maybe I’ll even get the house clean! In any case, a little time off call once in awhile is an important thing.
Okay, off to watch The Grinch!
by MotherWit | Dec 22, 2009 | Uncategorized
Hooray! The sun is once again reborn, and the days will become longer. As we enter into the birth of the light, let’s take a moment to be grateful for this amazing momentum we advocates of normal birth are building to help heal the long dark age of unconsciousness surrounding women’s wisdom. We are at such a peak of insanity with planned C-sections for convenience, anaesthetised labour, being told SO MANY times we are defunct in our brilliant ability to express our most unique female function, there HAS to be a shift. There is an incredible global network of folks working hard to create a new paradigm in which our bodies are viewed as trustworthy vessels to do their work the way Nature intended.
This is in no way to say we should all just birth in the woods. I personally might, as would many I know…but I do not eschew technological advance in its ability to help promote safety in childbirth…when appropriate. I have seen friends and clients unexpectedly but truly need to rely on some interventions for their and their babies’ well being. Though we may begrudge the environment of birth for mainly being technocratic and mistrustful of womens’ sacred functions, I feel that adopting an attitude of “us against them” heals nobody. Whether we shoot from the left or shoot from the right, the very act of shooting can be potentially ugly. If only we could all have respect and honour for each other, based upon true understanding and basic trust, we could have far better birth outcomes than we do. Ah, but that just isn’t going to happen for awhile. Just because I wish it, will not make it so. But I work towards that time.
I LOVE working with a woman in a hospital and seeing a medical person learn something they didn’t know about the more emotional/spiritual/psychological aspects of childbirth, or see them deeply moved by a natural labour. These stories create change. If they only happened at home, the very people whose eyes we’re trying to open might just remain in the dark about the possibilities. If they didn’t see empowered, beautiful births in person within their environment, often facilitated by a doula or midwife, seeds of real awakening might no come about. So I feel so happy to be living my path, trying to create an awareness of birth as something beyond a series of phases and stages that needs management.
Medically managed birth as the cultural norm is not going anywhere for a long while. So I am choosing to bring the love into this environment, helping women, helping their doctors, finding balance. From a place of greater understanding among all, we can create more respectful and effective diaglogue.
There are many ways to bring in the light. Blessings to the radical midwives! Blessings to uc-ers! Blessings to doctors with the hearts and hands of midwives! Blessings to the water birthers and dolphin midwives! Blessings to high risk obstetricians who use their skills for the greatest good! Blessings to the lotus birthers! Blessings to the baby wearing, breastfeeding-til-5, co-sleeping, homeschooling mamas! Blessings to med students slogging over their books, thinking birth is kinda gross…may a beautiful hospital birth open their eyes to never before considered possibilities that were never mentioned in those books! And bless my doula sisters everywhere, who are willing to witness and hold.
May the seeds of our good intentions flourish in the light.
So mote it be.
by MotherWit | Dec 19, 2009 | Uncategorized
Phew, it’s brutal out there! It is freezing cold outside and we have been doing lots of Christmas shopping. Thank goodness we’re home, warm, and dry. It’s so nice to relax on Friday nights and know I don’t have to get up early Saturday morning to get the kids off to where they need to go, then have appointments all day. Ahh, sleeping in is the best!
May you all have a lovely weekend! Try to get some rest, stay warm, and enjoy the holiday season.
by MotherWit | Dec 18, 2009 | Uncategorized
I had a great meeting today at a hospital I spend a lot of time doing labour support at. I am SO blessed that one of my former holistic doula students is one of the nurse policy makers of obstetrics there. She is a homebirthing mama herself, and is mired in an environment that often makes her weep with frustration. She is stopped by her OB colleagues and asked, “you’re an intelligent, educated woman! Why would you take such risks by having your baby at home?!” Obviously, they’re not reading the literature! Today she told me the most challenging thing about being an OB nurse was that, having done her doula training, she thought she would be able to help a ton of women who wanted natural births. And then she realized that the vast majority of women coming in to birth at the hospital aren’t even remotely interested in birthing naturally. She cried a little telling us that. Still, she works on, slowly, carefully, and with delicate diplomacy changing the policies she can. It is change that occurs in miniscule increments, but has profound effects…like a baby no longer needs to have a weight in its chart in order to transfer to postpartum…no separation from Mom’s skin until a couple hours later if that’s what Mom wants. If a woman needs an IV for whatever reason, like to administer antibiotics, they are no longer tied to the pole. She taught her staff to do saline locks. I so admire this lady, and the courage it takes to be taking on such a huge system that is extremely reluctant to change and think outside the box.
She, my training partner, and I met at the hospital today in order to create a doula training for nurses. Our goal is to help new nurses learn about the value of natural birth, and how to support it if the patient is open. This hospital is at least interested in lowering its intervention rate. The chief of obstetrics has been very interested in our statistics, and is curious to see what we doulas can do to help them. The challenge in our town is the incredible shortage of nursing staff. It is simply not feasible to take several nurses off the floor at any given time to do a workshop with them. They often have to take care of 4 labouring woman at a time! So we are devising ways of screening what patients would be interested in receiving labour support, and being mentors for nurses who wish to shadow us doing our jobs.
This is extremely exciting for me. What I know about nursing training here, is that during school, a student nurse might witness a birth or two, one of them almost always being a C-section. The other is most likely an epiduraled birth, since the epidural rate for first time mothers in Montreal hospitals is around 98%. So then they come to work in labour and delivery, and are suddenly surrounded by ladies in active labour…who tend to vocalize quite a lot in many cases. Without any training or support whatsoever, they have to deal with these whirling dervish like labouring people, trying to keep them on a monitor to keep their own jobs. Plus, if they’ve never learned about the value of labour sensations, the way they conduct a beautiful symphony of hormones, and all they perceive is abject misery, OF COURSE they’re gonna push drugs! They are taught that labour pain is a nasty side effect of the birthing process, not something that a woman can perceive as intense, but manageable and even amazing given the right preparation and support.
So, our job as doula trainers is to help OB nurses learn about birth. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it, that the people who deal most with birthing mothers are in fact in the dark about how labour unfolds and why it is intense, rich in sensation, and often for most women extremely painful at times…but do-able. They don’t have time to observe the endorphins or the beautiful oxytocin induced high that makes a lot of women very sexy and loving during labour. They don’t pay attention to the profound rest in the spaces, where a woman can gather energy for the next wave. Often, an inexperienced OB nurse’s method of helping with labour support is to yell, “BREATHE” in the woman’s face, trying to control her, giving her the message that the reason she’s feeling pain is because she’s “out of control” and not breathing right. I’ve never done a breathing technique in my life and birthed just fine, thank you very much, and would have been very offended by someone forcing some kind of aggressive technique on me. Not that I think there’s no value to breathing techniques…if a woman feels this will work for her, it’s a tool she should have…many swear by it, so I respect that. But the “BREATHE” from nurses is usually not calm suggestion, it’s just a fear response, a desire to DO SOMETHING to SAVE this poor creature from the devastation of a pain that will somehow do something so horrible to her, we cannot even bear to witness it. This is what many nurses believe, and what many convey. And if a nurse conveys this message to a labouring mom, a nurse being a medical person, thus someone who, according to a patient, knows what they’re talking about, then she must be right. And so enters the epidural, and truly, you can just hear the sighs of relief from hospital staff when a woman is talked into “her” epidural.
If any OB nurse is out there feeling offended by this, I deeply apologize…I can only speak about what’s going on in my neck of the woods, and it in no way applies to everyone. There are lots of nurses I work with who are master labour supporters…very skilled and loving. There are many who are as frustrated as I am at the lack of training nurses receive in school about how to hold the birth experience skilfully. These nurses, however, are so busy with their jobs given a nursing shortage crisis, they are not in a position to be able to teach the newer nurses. They have asked we doulas to help out. I want to shout out from the rooftops my love for OB nurses, and how I respect their work, and how much I know they shoulder in every way. Many have become friends over the years. I just know with a little guidance, a whole new world would open up to them and to the patients they serve.
A 98% epidural rate could most definitely be reduced if a nurse came into the room during a loud contraction, and she stood calmly smiling, whispering, “you’re so great…you’re doing it, Hon! You’re getting there!” It would be so much more effective than being all tense and scared saying, “you know, this is only going to get worse…I think you’ll relax more if you take the epidural…after all, you need your energy to push, right?” (insert image here of Lesley banging her head repeatedly against the wall in a rage of frustration) Oh, the disempowerment! I know it’s not intentional and malicious…it’s just so…counterproductive. This is our culture.
Instead of wallowing in the quagmire of frustration, however, I will get really positive about the fact that I am allowed to go in there and SHAKE IT UP!!!! I get to change some minds. I get to demonstrate how to be comfortable with expressions of labour, how to be gentle with a labouring mom, how to not force her to be intellectual when she should be allowed to be in primal mode, how to respect her space, and how to provide basic comfort measures if she should so desire them. No, I’m not naive enough to believe a nurse can change the mind of someone Hellbent on wanting an epidural, but I do believe she could help those who might be open to discovering what walking down the road of natural birth has to offer.
So an exciting day in Doula Land!
by MotherWit | Dec 17, 2009 | Uncategorized
I just enjoyed a lovely meeting with the MotherWit crew and our clients. We got to provide information for couples wondering about doula support. We connected with pregnant clients who wanted to meet our backups, and to meet up with other parents-to-be. A couple of postpartum couples and their babies came too, so the pregnant couples had the opportunity to hear about how great it was for the new parents to have a doula present for their births. The dads seemed to be especially touched by our care. It made me really happy to know they felt nurtured throughout labour as well.
It makes me feel content to see a community being built. Feeling isolated when so many incredible transitions occur throughout the childbearing year is something I want to help new moms and dads avoid. Nobody should fall through the cracks with their need to share and learn unmet.
As an experienced doula, I charge on the higher end of the scale. Some of the less experienced though wonderful doulas who work with me charge less. I want us to remember, though, the women who may not have access to doula care at all. Even though it is widely known doulas help reduce the rate of interventions, thus lessening the burden on our overwhelmed healthcare system, it is a service that is a luxury to most.
We asked tonight, in the spirit of the holiday, for donations to help fund doula care for women without the means to afford it. Think about the women who come from a background of terrible abuse, and need the safety of protection. Think about victims of rape coming from war torn countries. Think about refugees, with nobody they know to help them in a culture that is unfamiliar. Think about incarcerated women, or women who have been widowed or abandonned with no financial means. Compassionate care is crucial for these women as they journey into motherhood, and it should not be a luxury only for those who can afford it. We were blessed to receive generous monetary donations, and gifts of newborn diapers, and will pass them on to Montreal Birth Companions, who provide doula care for these women of need. Every pregnant woman needs support, every baby needs a mother who is treated with respect and given physical and emotional nourishment. Doulas are in the best position to provide this support when there is no family or other resources available. If you’ve been thinking about helping out someone less fortunate than you this holiday season, make a donation to a volunteer doula service organization in your area.
It truly does take a villiage to raise a child. Building community, finding support, supporting others…this is the best way to get your needs met as a parent, and to provide a strong foundation for your family. A mom with her 7 week old baby asked me if it was okay if she breastfed in front of the group, and of course I told her not only was it okay, it was important! As she happily breastfeeds her child, she sets that tone for others to do to the same. The more people do that, the more healing this brings to our culture of what Ina May Gaskin brilliantly calls Nipplephobia. Your community gives you strength.
So I leave you with some thoughts about reaching out this holiday, asking for or providing some help for your neighbour or a friend. Don’t worry if you’ve lived next to them for years and have not spoken much. Even a simple gesture can be very meaningful. My beautiful midwife for my third child had words of wisdom I have always remembered. She said, “be generous with each other…open your hearts.” Words to live by.
