by MotherWit | Jan 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
MotherWit Birth Essentials Prenatal Classes focus on preparing you for the labour and birth of your baby, and the early days of parenthood. Traditional childbirth education classes, often held in hospitals or clinics, are the norm for most parents seeking information about what to expect and how to cope.
MotherWit takes a more holistic approach, and helps to prepare you not only with intellectual information, but provides you with practical tools you can use during your birth in a hospital, birthing centre, or home. We want you not only to feel informed, but nourished, body, mind, and soul.
The first series of MotherWit Birth Essentials Prenatal Classes in Montreal will be held at Melons et Clementines , 5659 Sherbrooke West,Montreal Mondays March 8th, 15th, 22nd, and 29th. please contact info@motherwit.ca for mor information
by MotherWit | Jan 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
I saw a Tweet on Twitter today in which a doula said she hated it when women claimed they had a natural birth, when truly it was not “natural”, but “vaginal” with an epidural. Just to say before I go on, I took this single phrase and am running with it with impunity…I am using it as inspiration to create an example to illustrate something, most likely out of context of what she actually meant. Doula sister, if you’re out there, please know I’m not chewing you out. In fact, I thank you for providing this phrase as friendly blog fodder.
It IS frustrating for natural birth supporters to be part of a culture in which birthing vaginally, compared to the insane rate of those experiencing C-section births, is starting to be considered “natural”, even if all kinds of other medications were used. It’s brutal, in fact.
However, I think we need to be careful about how we express frustration of this nature. I often get criticized because I tend to tread carefully and walk the line of diplomacy instead of standing up fiercely for my beliefs. The thing is, is that I do stand up for them…just not with ferocity many can obviously perceive. I tend not to go for “shock value”. If nursing my 3 year old in public caused shock, well, that’s another story, but, like all mothers giving their toddlers a little snack, it was not with the intention of making waves, it was just to do the mothering that was required in the moment. Intending to shock is one thing, but causing shock because you’re mothering according to your values is another….the latter is a healthy exercise in stretching our cramped cultural boundaries..
I digress. My point is that “making wrong” is not, in my humble opinion, the greatest way to create growth. In my experience, anyhow, I can’t speak for everyone. If I, an excited new mom who gave birth vaginally, especially perhaps if I were told that my chances of having a C-section was up to 50% depending upon where I lived, and I went up to you and said, “I had a natural birth!” and you said, “well….maybe it was vaginal, but you took an epidural and synto, so you can’t really say it was natural, can you?” I would either a) get very defensive and never want to share anything with you in enthusiasm again, b)feel stupid for making a “mistake” with my words and the little bubble of maternal pride around me deflate, or c)dig in my heels, claim that indeed having a vaginal birth was natural in this day and age, go off and tell others what a hippie and natural birth “nazi” you were, and widen the divide in order to escape the pain you caused by your criticism of me.
I can tell you what I wouldn’t do. I probably wouldn’t say, “thank you for enlightening me to the fact that my natural birth wasn’t natural at all. I am a product of my culture, and was in the wrong. I now know the way, and thank you for showing it to me. I will be inspired now to truly have a natural birth next time.” We may hope that our passionate opinions enlighten others, and we enthusiastically promote them with the hopes of changing the world for the better, but I find there are more effective ways to convey them.
To my doula and midwife friends I may certainly vent my frustrations about what we as a culture consider “natural” birth. But to a mother who had just had her “natural” birth, it would be a different thing. I would say, “Wow, CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you are SO proud of yourself! It is certainly something to celebrate when your baby is born vaginally!” This doesn’t enable a new mother to go on thinking the way she does, it fills her full of the joy she deserves to feel for having had a baby. When you make her feel good about herself, it opens the doors to communication instead of shutting them in your face because you have created defensiveness or shame.
Also, there are other situations to consider. I have had a few ladies who have gone through very long labours naturally, and who had extremely long second stages (pushing), and in the hospital the clock was ticking away the minutes until an inevitable C-section. Some of them took the epidurals that were recommended in order to have a break for a while, and then resumed pushing, all of them ending in vaginal birth. Would I NOT “allow” these women to claim natural birth for themselves because, technically, they had taken an epidural after having been 10cm for a few hours and pushing for a few more?! I don’t think so. How about women who labour for days at home, experiencing intense, almost constant back labour, and then going to the hospital, having an epidural for a few hours and pushing the baby out? Okay, technically they are vaginal births with epidural, but given these women have gone through more hardcore labour than the average woman having a garden variety epidural free birth, does she not have a right to say “natural” birth without having to clarify to everyone? These types of birth deserve all the celebrating you can give to a woman who has gone through one. Personally, when one of my clients goes through something like this and I’m with her when someone asks her if she did it “naturally” and she doesn’t really feel like giving the whole story but wants to honour herself for doing the equivalent of 3 labours in a row but had an epidural for a couple hours near the end, I’ll just wink at her, encouraging her to own it however the hell she wants.
I am reading Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding, and am really loving its tone. It is full of information about how breastfeeding is the very best thing for the vast majority of babies, and communicated with passion, honestly citing the dangers of formula feeding. But there is also an undercurrent of real compassion for those women who chose, for whatever reason, to not breastfeed their babies. Her language is very careful in not trying to make anyone feel like an idiot or a bad mother for having made different choices. In trying to educate the public, you can’t use language you might use when you are preaching to the choir.
I learned a lesson in judgement towards mothers that I have never forgotten. One day I was at a restaurant with my husband, and I saw a woman bottle feeding a newborn. I was appalled! I was mortified! I was shocked! I was so thickly surrounded by my cloak of self righteous indignation and anger at this mother for her stupidity in NOT breastfeeding, I didn’t even recognize her. She saw me, smiled, and approached me. I was mortified to realize it was a LOVELY woman I had met at a La Leche League meeting. She was physically, because of some congenital breast issues, unable to provide milk for her babies. She attended the meetings to get support, because even though she couldn’t provide nearly enough milk to nourish her child, she still nursed after the bottle was given, for superior physical and emotional connection. She didn’t need my judgement, she needed my support. I am so glad this lesson was put in my way, as it changed my approach to communication a lot.
Most of my clients come to me not being sure about whether or not they will choose an epidural for their labours. It is not true that only granola types approach doulas for support…it is often women who are terrified of pain and whose husbands are not sure how to help them. If I jumped in and lectured them about the evils of epidural, I probably wouldn’t have such a low epidural rate. While I don’t think we need to simper, pander, and enable, I do think we need to honour, love, and respect. During birth, what helps a labour go more efficiently? Is it criticizing a woman about how long it’s taking, correcting her when she expresses her pride in herself at how she’s managing, only to be told she ain’t felt nothing yet, or giving a woman praise and encouragement?
There are many paths to enlightenment, and I’m only talking from my experience. I’m not trying to tell people how to speak or how to be. It takes all kinds to change the world. I’m just saying that I think there is value in gentleness and tending to the here and now feelings of others, putting the desire to be “right” lower on the priority scale, even if that desire is motivated by good intentions.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!
‘nite, all!
by MotherWit | Jan 10, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hello, all!
I have been doula-ing my heart out this week. 2010 has started with a bang. I had 5 babies born in 4 days….a set of twins, a preemie singleton, and then another set of twins.
All babies are well, Thank God.
One set of twins was born by C-section due to what the mother and her caregiver decided were positions that made them uncomfortable to attempt vaginal birth. These lovely boys ended up being 8 and 7 pounds 12 ounces. Can you IMAGINE shlepping around almost 16 pounds worth of squirmy babies in your belly?! I always want to give standing ovations to my twin moms…until you hang out with them a bit in their late pregnancies, you don’t really get how intensely challenging it is carrying multiple babies around. This mother has an absolute angel of a friend who has been donating some of her own breastmilk (she also has twins) to help out. Now, that is love.
The next day, a mom called me with broken waters at 35 weeks. We went to the hospital and labour started soon after. She had a lovely, quick labour and afterwards said, “that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!” The young man latched on right away and is in great shape….a very happy experience! My favourite moment was when the paediatrician, who was asked to be present because the baby was early, refused to look at the baby under the warmer when the nurse put him there. He said, “no…skin to skin is where this baby belongs. This is where I’m doing my work, on his mother where he is healthiest.”
The next day, an induction was scheduled for another set of twins, due to some serious health challenges with the mom. The labour went quickly and beautifully, even though it took over a day to get going. When the first baby was born, Mom said, “that didn’t hurt as much as I thought!” Ah, music to my ears! The second baby was, let’s just say, much more dramatic. To make a long story short, with great to do, he literally, with a loud sound, POPPED out, all 4 pounds of him. He’s tiny and getting some oxygen in the nursery to assist his breathing, but he’s in good shape. The mom was very weak after birth and unable to sit up, so I had a lovely, quiet time holding her beautifully latched daughter to her breast, skin to skin for her while the little girl’s grandmother, who was a blessed, wonderful presence at this birth, cooed adoringly over her. The boy was in the nursery hanging out with his dad.
So that’s the update in doula land. I am longing for a couple days at home without work or family or housework duty just to dedicate to paperwork and site building, but no…lots of pre and post natals all this upcoming week.
I apologize to my beloved friends who are probably wondering why they are so sadly neglected. I love you all, you know that!
I am off to rest my weary legs which have been up all night supporting labour and helping twins breastfeed…hopefully it will be a night of uninterrupted sleep before the next baby decides to arrive.
by MotherWit | Jan 6, 2010 | Uncategorized
January Meet the Motherwit Doulas Soiree
Hello New Parents and Parents-to-Be!
You are cordially invited to a gathering hosted by the MotherWit Doulas! Whether you are just trying to figure out if doula care is right for you, want to show off your new babies, or reconnect with friends you made at our last Doula Soiree, you are most welcome!
Come to find out what it means to have a doula at your birth or information on post-partum doula care, share and hear birth stories, and have a cup of tea! Come to connect with your community and find out what resources are available to you.
We look forward to seeing you on:
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
The Green Centre
1090 Avenue Greene, Westmount
from 7:30 to 9:00pm
info@motherwit.ca
